Fifteen years after Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan is back and coming for Lisa Vanderpump‘s gigs!
The 32-year-old former child star turned former party girl is now a club owner, or at the least, playing one on TV.
Set in Mykonos, the premiere episode proved to be quite the educational experience. Here are 10 things I learned watching Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club.
1. The first rule of Lindsay Lohan Beach Club is never mention Lindsay Lohan Beach Club always wear a bra. Also, LOL to meeting with Spielberg! She funny.
The first rule of Lindsay #LohanBeachClub 👙 pic.twitter.com/9jujBTQfe2
— Johnny Lopez (@TheJohnnyLopez) January 9, 2019
2. The term “model marketing server” is apparently a thing and it’s douchy VIP lounge code for … server.
Dictionary update: Model Marketing Server #LohanBeachClub pic.twitter.com/yDfOZ30tIj
— Johnny Lopez (@TheJohnnyLopez) January 9, 2019
3. Blue hair is ok at Lohan Beach Club (and at the Golden Globes). But two ladies with blue hair is not. #OnWednesdaysWeDyeYourHairPink
4. There are no production assistants or cabs in Mykonos, because LiLo is still driving herself around town. LAWD HAVE MERCY!
5. Half of the show’s production budget went towards microblading for the male cast. Et tu, after-show host Jonathan Bennett.
6. Thirteen years since trust fund garbage person Brandon Davis called her out for being “$7 million poor,” Linds finally set the record straight.
7. Lindsay: “If she has more makeup than me then she’s fired.” Um, agreed!
8. It’s official, Lindsay is not 45.
Well that finally settles it! #LohanBeachClub pic.twitter.com/hQmAsOGGvh
— Johnny Lopez (@TheJohnnyLopez) January 10, 2019
9. Lindsay: “The second you become emotional, I’m going to become like Putin. I have no emotion when it comes to money & business.” This also explains her performances in Liz & Dick and The Canyons.
This explains “Liz & Dick.” #LohanBeachClub pic.twitter.com/UeomEFXQDD
— Johnny Lopez (@TheJohnnyLopez) January 10, 2019
10. The true star of the show are Lindsay’s statement earrings. Hopefully someone paid for them!
And finally, if you need a non-Lindsay reason to watch next week’s episode, say hello (or is it yassou?) to Aristotle. I’ll be his brand ambassador anytime!
Now let’s pretend we’re in Mykonos and dance to the anthem of a generation. Welcome back, Lindsay! #Rumors
Gym. Tan. Lookalike!
Real Housewives of New Jersey star Dolores Catania and Wendy Williams on Surving R.Kelly must have the same hair, makeup and wardrobe stylists …or somethin’ like that.
When you’re originally from the Garden State you’re family.
With all the deplorable crap going on in the world, one thing we can be thankful for is being gifted two All-Stars seasons in one calendar year! As it’s only been 11 months since the premiere of All-Stars 3 in January, many of us are finally recovering from the subsequent controversial crowning of Shangela Trixie Mattel months later. HalleNOOOOO!
With that travesty behind us, here are three things I loved about the premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 4.
- Brown Cow stunning! Monique Heart proved that with a fierce wig and a house beat anything can be fabulous. HalleMOO!
- Winter is coming, but for Farrah Moan it’s all about THE FALL. Ouch! It was the death drop heard around the world & that I rewound five times to watch. Guess her face isn’t the only thing beat for the gawds.
- Give me some Latrice Royale all day, every day! #GGGGG
Without further ado, here are the All-Stars 4 celebrity twinsies.
Monique Heart may or may not be morally corrupt, but Faye Resnick has definitely got snatch game!
Naomi Smalls is a replicant & her legs cut like a Blade …Runner.
Lawd have mercy, Trinity Taylor is full of Grace. Every girl knows a good tuck is a kween’s best friend!
Latrice Royale is a big Star, so take a little time to enjoy this view.
Valentina is pretty Sly … Stallone’s wife.
You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You look like Jennifer Flavin. You’re a model!
Is Farrah Moan a NYC nightlife sensation? No, but she is trying to keep it real, Amanda Lepore real.
Gia Gunn came back looking like a total Fox.
The rumors are true, Monet X Change loves Tina!
Manila Luzon is so animated this season. She’s a real comic! #Nancy
Sorry haters, but Jasmine Masters is an iconic comedian. Roo roo roo!
Now sashay away until next week!
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Is Antoni’s season 2 bandana-palooza trying to tell us he’s a top, bottom, into bondage, water sports, reheating leftovers??? I’m so confused. #QueerEye
Regardless, I love him & this show.
If you’re watching Pose on FX, then you know it’s time for the House of Celebrity Dopplegangers Ball.
Blanca, your category is: Fame, Oh What A Feeling Irene Cara Up in Pumps With A Twist.
Elektra, your category is: Do You Know Where You’re Going To As A Legendary Icon Serving 70s Supermodel Diana Ross Vogue. #Mahogany
Angel, your category is: Say Hello To My Little Italian-American Actress Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio Stuntin’ As The Cuban Sis Of ‘ScarFACE’ Realness.
Pray Tell, your category is: Femme Queen First Time In A 90s Sitcom ‘Living Single’ At The Ball.
10s across the board, children. #WalkForMe
Unbeknownst to them, pop princesses Julia Michaels and Grace VanderWaal both served music royalty realness in their iconic Madonna lewks at the Billboard Music Awards.
Fun fact: Julia was born a year after the release of Madge’s fifth studio album Erotica.
Even more fun fact: Grace was born after M’s ninth studio album Amercan Life.
Matt Dillon at the Cannes Film Festival almost exactly 20 years to the day.
Anybody got some of that special Cameron Diaz hair gel?