Things learned watching the 2012 Academy Awards:

1.  Who knew Meryl Streep winning an award could be so shocking?
2. Thanks to Jennifer Coolidge, my new fave word is ELEVATOR FACES.
3. Ryan Seacrest is a pro at getting a man’s mess off his tux … just sayin’.
4. Add “hairstylist” to the things Gabourey Sidibe desperately needs.
5. The best part of the show was … Angelina’s leg – literally.
6. Oh, how the mighty have fallen… when Oprah gets an award but isn’t even allowed to speak!
7. Esperanza Spalding should sing at every IN MEMORIAM segment. What a wonderful… performance.
8. Sandra Bullock speaking German only makes Jesse James’ Nazi photos seem that much more bizarre.
9. Viola Davis should have given the wig she didn’t wear to Kelly Osbourne or Cameron Diaz!
10. Ironically, watching Billy Crystal tell lame, tired jokes makes me want to hurl gay slurs.

It was the safe Oscars; from safe dresses, to safe host and even safer jokes. But what do you expect when even the best film of the year barely utters a word? I can only imagine what the Oscars will look like if Santorum is elected. Lawd have mercy.

So for your consideration… the Oscar recap.
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