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IT GETS BETTER

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January 8, 2019 // Gay, Videos

The It Gets Better Project does amazing work for LGBTQ youth & am extremely grateful they let my story be a small part of it. 🙏🏾 😍 🏳️‍🌈 #ItGetsBetter

We’ve seen fear take over our country & politics and it has now come to award shows as shown by Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh’s resistance to make any biting jokes at this year’s Golden Globes.

I feel that fear as well.

Are we allowed to make fun of things anymore? Will I be labeled a troll or a “hater?” Are fashion critiques in poor taste when so much real ugliness is happening around the world, at our border or down your street?

These are things that I have asked myself and why I haven’t really written a recap in almost two years.

But I decided to resist & not give in to that fear. We can walk and chew gum at the same time. We can give our attention to the important stuff & still enjoy the nonsense. In fact the nonsense is now called mental health. Thank you, Real Housewives, Hallmark movies and, yes, even perhaps, award show recaps.

I hope you enjoy my lighthearted take on this year’s Globes. If you don’t, please feel free to call me out on social media … because I could really use the followers!

Sandra Oh – I watched six episodes of Killing Eve on a flight from Miami and loved it almost as much as Sandra’s shout-out to her parents, her emotional words on the historic diversity moment and her opening monologue red Versace tux dress.

Andy Samberg – On a scale of 1 to 10, lame Ruth Chris Steakhouse jokes aside, he was a Brooklyn Nine point Nine.  “Lazy Sunday” Samberg has officially leveled up.

Lady Gaga -Blue hair. Body. Face. Poor Ally, this time Jackson Maine didn’t piss all over her award show moment, but Glenn Close did! So many gays are mad that the Globes didn’t give Gaga an acting award for A Star Is Born, but I’m still mad that the Globes gave Gaga an acting award for American Horror Story: Hotel.  Kidding aside, I thought she was good in ASIB & the music was great. But her Cinderalla at the Met Gala prom look was not. Fear not little monsters, the song Oscar is hers to lose.

Glenn Close – In the name of Alex Forrest, Marquise Isabelle de Merteuil & Albert Knobbs, Ms. Close is finally ready for her Oscar close-up! She really is that good in The Wife. An acting powerhouse whose time is long overdue & that acceptance speech may have just solidified it. Take the Fatal Attraction reunion kiss with Michael Douglas as proof that Glenn won’t be ignored this year.

Bradley Cooperde plane, de plane! Not exactly sure if he’s Mr. Rourke or Tattoo in that ice cream man white tux, but if you had told me in 2001 that the guy on Alias would one day become one of the industry’s most esteemed actors (and now) director, I’d say that was some sinister Fantasy Island shit.

Danai Gurira, Michael B. Jordan & Lupita Nyong’o – Wakanda Forever but cancel the CW, because this is the Dynasty reboot I want to see. Hey Netflix, I’ve found your new Alexis, Blake & Krystle Carrington.

Ben Whishaw & Mark Ronson – For the love of Propecia, this is what I call hair porn.

Jamie Lee Curtis – Activa does the body good! Laurie Strode murdered Michael Myers and turned into… Brigitte Nielsen?!  Oh and Ben Stiller, call me!

Patricia Arquette – Escape at Dannemora is a painfully slow burn that often times feels like a prison sentence, but so worth it for Patty’s insane performance. She’s unrecognizable & deserves everything!

Steve Carell – No joke, ain’t nothing funny about how good he looks. Steve Carell can get it. Thoughts & prayers for Welcome to Marwen.

Carol Burnett – If there’s one thing our divided shitshow of a nation can agree on is that we all love Carol. And while the word is thrown around so easily these days, CB truly is ICONIC.

Idris Elba & Taylor Swift – This is how you piss off Trump supporters. Their film adaptation of Cats is how you will piss off the entire country… now & forever!

Regina King – Her career is on fire, she’s never looked better and that inspiring don’t-you-dare-cue-the-orchestra acceptance speech! It’s Brenda from 227‘s world and we all just living in it.

Megan Mullally – I think Karen has been drinking from the Jennifer Lopez & Sandra Bullock fountain of youth. You go with your 60-year-old bad self Anastasia Beaverhausen! And hey, Kristen Bell.

Debra Messing – Hurry & grab a blinfold because this dress may be the closest we’ll ever get to seeing what the creatures in Bird Box looked like.

Mahershala Ali – With all the Green Book controversy, at least he doesn’t have to apologize for great acting.

Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph– How many homophobic tweets does a girl have to have to get to host the Oscars?

Felicity Huffman – Looking like Brad Pitt-era Aniston!

Patricia Clarkson – So glad she won, but she should have also thanked closed captioning subtitles for allowing the world to figure out exactly what she was saying throughout her drunken southern drawl whispering in Sharp Objects.

Saoirse Ronan – Love her in everything, especially this custom made Gucci number!

Christian Bale – Props for that speech & while he is the ultimate shape shifter, everyone knows there’s only one person who can convincingly play Mitch McConnell …

 

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With apologies to the melting Nazi from ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark!’ #RESIST #SkinnyRepeal #Twins

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Alfonso Cuaron – I loved Roma but I’m so mad I saw it on Netlfix and not on the big screen. I’m still thinking about it.  And for those in the back, Cuaron’s the Oscar-winning Mexican director that didn’t make The Revenant or Birdman. That’s Alejandro Inarittu. Got it? Ok, gracias!

Darren Criss – He was fantastic as Andrew Cunanan in Versace, loved that he showed his Filipina mom some love & he is a great LGBT ally. All that being said, I think the loud jacket trend is officially over. Please send cards and letters to Carson Kressly, Ryan Murphy (above) & all your fabulous gay wedding guests.

Jeff Bridges – Congrats on the Cecil B. DeMille award. Now please take a moment of silence to pay your respects to Jeff in Against All Odds. #NeverForget

Emily Blunt & John Krasinski – I want to be John Krasinski’s beard. This is not a jab at Emily. I literally want to pack up and live inside his beard! That is my Quiet Place. So damn hot.

Halle Berry & Lena Waithe – The new Hollywood Power couple! The only thing hotter than these two together is that Boomerang promo.   We see you, Keith Urban!

 

The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story – I make fun of a lot of Ryan Murphy’s shows for often going off the rails, but hearing how so many younger gays (& straights!) learned a little bit of what life was like in the homophobic ’90s by watching this show really pressed upon me the importance of having his voice & power in the industry to tell these stories. Plus executive producer Brad Simpson’s speech is everything. “Resist in the street & resist at the ballot box, but live with love and empathy in our everyday lives.”

Olivia Coleman – I wish The Favourite was my favorite, but at least Olivia’s endearing speech was.

Janelle Monae – No, she’s not in If Beale Street Could Talk (although she introduced it) but I would see her in anything … well, except Welcome to Marwen.

Rami Malek – His fake teeth are no longer the most awkward thing about Bohemian Rhapsody. That distinction now goes to Malek and producer Graham King’s acceptance speeches as they purposely avoided acknowledging any of the movie’s gayness, i.e. disgraced director Bryan Singer. Oh mamma mia!

Nicole Kidman – She can do no wrong, the same does not go for her stylist who was the real Destroyer by having that inexplicable black bow ruin her sleek merlot Michael Kors gown. Now if she would just loan Keith Urban one of her award-worthy wigs, we could all be saved from yet another sighting of his 2005 flat ironed & highlighted L-word bangs.

Billy Porter – Diva to the dance floor, please! Category is: Andre Leon Talley meets a matador at game night at Liberace’s house realness. Tens. Tens. Tens across the board.

Stephan James – Lawd have mercy! Black velvet if you please …and for your nerves! He is snatched! Swoon.

Timothee Chalamet – Is he heading to Dancing with the Stars? Or Ice Capades? Wherever he’s going, I’m following. If that’s a sequined harness, then call me by your safe word.  Sequined bib? Then Beautiful Boy, indeed.

Cody Fern – Sheer & heels and smoky eyes, oh my. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m confused. I’m obsessed. I’m here for all of it. The Versace & House of Cards actor just showed the world how to nonchalantly Werk & Serve & Face. Consider this the new uniform at Conde Nast. Sometimes when you break the rules, you make new ones. She’ll never admit it, but somewhere in the Scottish highlands, Tilda Swinton is staring at a white wall & smiling.

Chris Messina – So I guess I am into blondes now. Move over Hemsworth, Pratt, Evans & Pine, there’s a new Chris in town. With one dye job, he’s gone from everyone’s wannabe boyfriend to fuckboy.

Ricky Martin – Speaking of wannabe boyfriends & fuckboys, hola papi.

Charlize Theron – This is Charlize on the red carpet. This is also Charlize picking up a few essentials at Rite Aid. And this is Charlize when she wakes up in the morning. This is Charlize. Classic. Exquisite. Perfection. Movie Star.

Julia Roberts – Did you really think the most famous film actress in the world would attend an award show where she’s nominated for a television role and actually wear a gown?! Tonight was business casual for Jules & she looked flawless.

Elisabeth Moss –  Praise be that a little black dress never goes out of Scientolostyle.

 

Thank U, Next.

RPDR All Stars 4

With all the deplorable crap going on in the world, one thing we can be thankful for is being gifted two All-Stars seasons in one calendar year!  As it’s only been 11 months since the premiere of All-Stars 3 in January, many of us are finally recovering from the subsequent controversial crowning of Shangela Trixie Mattel months later. HalleNOOOOO!

With that travesty behind us, here are three things I loved about the premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 4.

  1. Brown Cow stunning! Monique Heart proved that with a fierce wig and a house beat anything can be fabulous. HalleMOO!
  2. Winter is coming, but for Farrah Moan it’s all about THE FALL. Ouch! It was the death drop heard around the world & that I rewound five times to watch.  Guess her face isn’t the only thing beat for the gawds.
  3.  Give me some Latrice Royale all day, every day! #GGGGG

Without further ado, here are the All-Stars 4 celebrity twinsies.

Monique Heart may or may not be morally corrupt, but Faye Resnick has definitely got snatch game!

Monique Heart/Faye Resnick

Naomi Smalls is a replicant & her legs cut like a Blade …Runner.

Naomi Smalls/Daryl Hannah Blade Runner

Lawd have mercy, Trinity Taylor is full of Grace. Every girl knows a good tuck is a kween’s best friend!

Trinity The Tuck/Debra Messing

Latrice Royale is a big Star, so take a little time to enjoy this view.

Latrice Royale. Star Jones

Valentina is pretty Sly … Stallone’s wife.

You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You look like Jennifer Flavin. You’re a model!

Valentina/Jennifer Flavin.

Is Farrah Moan a NYC nightlife sensation? No, but she is trying to keep it real, Amanda Lepore real.

Farrah Moan/Amanda LePore

Gia Gunn came back looking like a total Fox.

Gia Gunn/Megan Fox

The rumors are true, Monet X Change loves Tina!

Monet X Change/Tina Turner

Manila Luzon is so animated this season. She’s a real comic! #Nancy

Manila Luzon/Nancy

Sorry haters, but Jasmine Masters is an iconic comedian. Roo roo roo!

Jasmine MAsters/Arsenio Hall

Now sashay away until next week!

Follow me:  https://www.instagram.com/thejohnnylopez/

 

 

 

 

 

Is Antoni’s season 2 bandana-palooza trying to tell us he’s a top, bottom, into bondage, water sports, reheating leftovers??? I’m so confused. #QueerEye

Regardless, I love him & this show.

https://hornet.com/stories/maricon-proud/

by Johnny Lopez

Maricón. It’s a derogatory Spanish word that I, like most gay Latin boys, know far too well.

As a kid, I heard it on the street. I heard it from people I knew. I even heard it at home via Spanish-language television. Whenever I heard it — even when it wasn’t being hurled directly at me — it made me feel small, ashamed and less than. It’s a word I could never really shake off.

Growing up, I was also frightened by the partner-in-crime of maricón, “faggot.” He came around a bunch too, but mostly in the schoolyard.

The Big F was extra loud and obnoxious, so I could usually see him coming and find ways to avoid the line of fire. Unlike Señor M, I knew that Big F had little chance of showing up in my safe spaces or in the middle of my abuelita’s Telemundo soap operas. Señor M was stealthy, and always looming, ready to expose, ridicule or worse.

During my time in the closet, Señor M made sure I stayed locked away in the dark. He kept me in check, on alert and miserable. He made sure I was punished whenever I was overly expressive, played with my sister’s Barbies or hung out with the neighborhood girls instead of the boys. Even worse, Señor M threatened to tip off my parents about my dirty little secret.

Unbeknownst to me, the bastard was also a pretty effective teacher. By the time I got to college, all of his lessons had been fully mastered; I scored straight As in both Suffering in Silence 101 and Denying Yourself Happiness. Now the only person beating me up was myself.

This internal war went on for several more years, continuing to rob me of joy, love and romance.

Then one day, at the point of exhaustion from repeatedly fighting off my persecutor, I surrendered. Taking a deep breath, I turned to my Cuban-born parents and simply said, “Soy gay.” I exhaled for what felt like the first time in my life, unleashed a deluge of tears and collapsed into my mother’s loving arms. I had survived the worst and made it to the other side. I thought I was free.

As most in the LGBT community know, coming out is an ongoing process that extends well beyond the moment you first announce who you are. It took me years to garner the strength to accept and reveal my truth, but it would take even more years to undo the residual shame, internalized homophobia and general feelings of unworthiness that came from being bullied by this slur.

Even after all of my work over the last two decades, living my best life as my authentic self, I realized I was still under the tyranny of my captor. I could still hear that Spanish voice telling me to dim my light in order to make others feel more comfortable. I could still hear that voice calling me maricón.

So this year, I finally said enough. Enough to this one-word childhood oppressor. Enough to these seven letters (accent on the ‘o’) that continued to have a hold on me as an adult. Enough to feeling small, ashamed or less than.

This year, feeling louder and prouder than ever (the one positive effect of being subjected to this relentlessly vulgar, corrupt, backward and vehemently anti-LGBT administration), I chose to unravel the grip of Señor M once and for all.

This year I chose to reclaim the word for myself, and reclaim my time (thanks, Auntie Maxine) under its torment. This year, maricón, I chose to stand tall in my rainbow socks and finally own you!

Words have power, but so do I.

 

 

If you’re watching Pose on FX, then you know it’s time for the House of Celebrity Dopplegangers Ball.

Blanca, your category is: Fame, Oh What A Feeling Irene Cara Up in Pumps With A Twist.

Elektra, your category is: Do You Know Where You’re Going To As A Legendary Icon Serving 70s Supermodel Diana Ross Vogue. #Mahogany

Angel, your category is: Say Hello To My Little Italian-American Actress Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio Stuntin’ As The Cuban Sis Of ‘ScarFACE’ Realness.

Pray Tell, your category is: Femme Queen First Time In A 90s Sitcom ‘Living Single’ At The Ball.

10s across the board, children. #WalkForMe

 

The season 10 premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race proved these chilrin are snatched for their lives!

Three things I loved about the premiere: 1. Seeing the all the queens from previous seasons. This is how you launch the first episode of the season. 2. Christina Aguilera giving us drag queen realness. It makes sense since for some of these kids, the Moulin Rouge video was their first introduction to drag. 3. Vanessa Vanje Mateo’s commentary. Someone give her a YouTube recap series stat.

Three things I didn’t like about the premiere: 1. Vanje went home. 2. Vanje went home. 3. Vanje went home. I don’t like these cookies!

Here are this week’s drag superstar twinsies!

Aquaria is a Real Housewife of NY!

She’s lip syncing to this Medley… Dorinda Medley.

 

Mayhem Miller, how do you like this COOKIE?!

This queen is ready for her Empire.

 

Miz Cracker, you’re perfect, you’re beautiful, you look like Linda Evangelista.

Sorry Valentina!

 

Monet X Change is a Master of None.

But she may snatch trophies like Lena Waithe.

 

Kameron Michaels‘ muscles will VanderPUMP you up!

Yes, SUR.

 

Vanessa Vanje Mateo — Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty!

 

Kalorie Karbdashian Williams … with a Z!

 

The Vixen is looking for a new love! (Jody Watley)

 

Monique Heart is having a Ball. (Lucille Ball)

 

Dusty Ray Bottoms — Hey Kitty Girl!

Now & Forever! #Cats

 

Yuhua Hamasaki wins the Minnie challenge!

 

Blair St. Clair has shown her evil side. (Ursa)

It’s going to take a superman to beat her!

 

Eureka O’Hara – This Runway look is a winner.

Let’s hope her sewing skills are half as good as Ashley Nell Tipton’s.

 

Asia O’Hara has drawn True Blood. (Lafayette)

Side note: I couldn’t find a template with 14 pics so had to pick one queen to leave out of the composite. No shade Asia. It was just the luck of the draw.

ICYMI: Here’s the one drag celebrity side-by-sides I did for All-Stars 3:

For more pop culture recaps, reads & shade, makes sure you download the latest episode of SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC podcast! Available on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and Friendster!

Or just listen to it right here!

This week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race celeb side-by-sides! #DragRace

 

 

Nina Bo’Nina BrownLil’ Kim

 


Sasha VelourSylvia Miles (Wall St, Sex & the City, Midnight Cowboy)

 


(Salt-n-)PeppermintSandy “Pepa” Denton

 


Trinity TaylorPriscilla Presley

 


Alexis Michelle Marge Simpson

 


Shea Culee – British DJ/promoter Jodie Harsh

 

Episode 9 Recap 

Episode 8 Recap

Episode 5 Recap

Episode 4 Recap

Episode 3 Recap

Episode 2 Recap

Episode 1 Recap

Sorry kids, Valentina is gone. Now get over it!

Three things I loved: 1. The club kid herstory & runway. Long live ’90s NYC nightlife! 2. Michelle Visage‘s cape lewk while judging the pilot challenge. 10s across the board, henny!     3. Sasha reading Trinity for finally making a joke. Keep shade alive, children!

Three things I hated: 1. Nina Bo’Nina‘s paranoia. Conspiracy theory killed the drag superstar! 2. Valentina’s laziness. A kween can’t live by face alone! 3. The fan outrage over the Ariana Grande lip sync song choice. Classic or new, hit or obscure, they all get the song ahead of time & can memorize. End. Of. Story. Sashay away!

And here are this week’s Snatch Game wannabe celeb dopplegangers.

1. Valentina is a Twisted Sister.

She’s not gonna take it anymore … because she’s gone!

 

2. Nina Bo’Nina has a Tiny chance of winning.

But it looks like her hopes have really dyed.

 

3. Sasha Velour is serving Earth’s first supermodel Janice Dickinson realness.

An eye for an eye!

 

4. Valentina is a Real Housewife of Orange County.

Goodbye Our Lady of Guadalupe, hello ‘Jesus Jugs’ Alexis Bellino.

 

5. Nina Bo’Nina Brown is a Real Housewife of New Jersey.

That’s Nina Bo’Nina Brown Gorga Giudice to you!

 

6. Shea Culee is an American Idol & a Dreamgirl.

And you’re gonna love her!

 

7. Peppermint goes to the Max!

She’s the HBIC is this House!

 

8. Trinity Taylor serves a Young Pope.

Sisters are doing it for … Diane Keaton.

 

9. Alexis Michelle isn’t beating around the (Barbara) Bush.

This lady is getting old fast!

 

EPISODE 8 Recap & Celeb Side-By-Sides

EPISODE 5 Recap & Celeb Side-By-Sides

EPISODE 4 Recap & Celeb Side-by-Sides

EPISODE 3 Recap & Celeb Side-By-Sides

EPISODE 2 Recap & Celeb Side-By-Sides

EPISODE 1 Recap & Celeb Side-by-Sides

 

For more pop culture recaps, reads & shade, makes sure you download the latest episode of SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC! This week we’re making noize about the new ‘Will & Grace‘ trailer, Master of None, that ‘American Gods’ scene, Rompers for men & that show about the Abbey.

itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/screaming-into-traffic/id1052412883?mt=2


Second only to the Snatch Game, the annual reading challenge is usually the funniest segment of each season. Usually.

But with no one matching the wit and timimg of Bob the Drag Queen, Alaska or Bianca Del Rio, the season 9 kweens were less comedy and more tragedy.

While Valentina was awarded the reading challenge and Peppermint took the roast of Michelle Visage, in my book, Sasha Velour had the best overall lines.  “Valentina is a queen that combines all the excitement of smiling with the thrill of just standing there.” TRUTH!

 

Three things I loved this week: 1. Nina Bo’Nina‘s elderly drag. “And what’s your name baby?” (to guest judge Fortune Feimster). DEAD! 2. Tamar Braxton looking gorge and serving shade.com. Shantay you stay, gur!  3. Michelle telling the kweens they should have gone balls to the walls in roasting her, because it’s a, um, ROAST! She’s “so Jersey” and you bettah not fugheddabout it!

Three things I hated this week: 1. Farrah Moan‘s alabaster face beat. Apparently, she can only throw shade …on her cheeks!  2. Alexis Michelle getting pissy about weight jokes, yet mock’s Shea’s teeth. Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle FAT?!  3. Just as I’m starting to like Trinity Taylor she crashes and burns with her unfunny hillbilly routine. Shame on me, y’all!

So after two weeks off, here is this week’s Snatch Game wannabe celeb dopplegangers.

1. Shea Culee did it on ’em! #NickiMinaj

Pound the alarm, Shea is about to snatch the whole damn thing!

 

2. Alexis Michelle has been acting like a Gremlin lately!

Do not body shame …or feed her after midnight!!!

 

3. Peppermint is every woman! #ChakaKhan

I feel for you, Peppermint! I think I love you.

 

4. Valentina is a SHORE thing! #Snooki

She knows there’s a fine line between chola and guidette. Gym. Tan. Lip sync.

 

5. Nina Bo’ Nina Brown is part of your Mama’s Family!

Some say her shtick is getting old, but I think it’s still funny.

 

6. Trinity Taylor has gone MAD … magazine!

What, she worry? #AlfredENeuman

 

7. Sasha Velour is so Cruel-lla.

She was very, very Close this week.

 

8. Farrah Moan —  Lord have mercy for serving late televangelist Jan Crouch realness.

Sashay away – & rest in peace – knowing your face was beat for the gawds.

 

For more pop culture recaps, reads & shade, makes sure you download the season 3 premiere of SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC! We’re talking Drag Race, Fire Island, White Party & reminiscing about West Hollywood’s glory days with the one & only Billy Francesca!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/screaming-into-traffic/id1052412883?mt=2

 

 

EPISODE 5 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

EPISODE 4 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

 

EPISODE 3 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

EPISODE 2 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

 

EPISODE 1 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES