8 Things Learned Watching The Celebrity Big Brother Premiere
1. Winter has come and Julie Chen is serving Khaleesi from the House of Moonves realness. She doesn’t have three dragons, only one … her husband! #ChenBotOfThrones
2. It’s been revealed that WWE star Natalie Eva Marie is actually the bastard love child of Ariana Grande & Demi Lovato. #TotalDivasLive
3. Lolo Jones is a favorite to win, not because she’s is an Olympian, but because as a 36-year-old virgin she’s got all the endurance tests in the bag. Yes, she’s the nearly 40-year-old virgin. #KellyClarkson
4. This is either OJ Simpson houseboy legend Kato Kaelin or Tilda Swinton‘s latest performance art piece. The verdict’s still out.
5. Tamar Braxton & Joey Lawrence could make it to the end, but only if they form the secret Beautiful, Bald & Brows alliance. #Woah
6. “OG momager” Dina Lohan gets the sympathy vote, because she filed for bankruptcy last year to save her Long Island home. If she doesn’t win the $1ooK, season 2 of Lohan Beach House might just have a new VIP server on staff. #ParentalGuidanceSuggested
7. Jonathan Bennett is having a moment. Big Brother, Cake Wars, Ariana’s Thank U, Next video & he’s in a relationship with a former Chippendales dancer. So fetch! After having his career stalled for being gay (he publicly came out in 2017) following Mean Girls, all I can say is: “you go, Aaron Samuels!”
8. First Omarosa and now Anthony Scaramucci. Can BB please stop sympathizing with these Trump enablers?! The Mooch showed his snowflake status by whining: “I’m not happy there was a twist on day 1 of coming into the House.” But it’s unclear if he was talking about Big Brother or his stint with the Disaster-in-Chief.
— Johnny Lopez (@TheJohnnyLopez) January 23, 2019
Who is head of the household? Who is up for eviction? I have no clue, but with 4 episodes of #CelebBB a week, we better get a shirtless/speedo moment of Joey, Jonathan & Ryan, stat!
Until then, enjoy Joey’s 1993 classic video for Nothing My Love Can’t Fix.