TV | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

The sudden death of Luke Perry from a massive stroke at the age of 52 today has been devastating.

It’s been a rough day in the 90046 for me, and for boys and girls of a certain age that grew up crushing on Dylan McKay.

Ever since Beverly Hills 90210 premiered on October 4, 1990 – the day after my 19th birthday – I was hooked.  An adult show about teenagers was a rare commodity in those early days before Dawson, before Felicity, even before the Salinger 5.

Dylan McKay was also my first crush when I finally began to realize (yet not fully accept) I was gay. Sure I liked others before, but never like this.

From the get-go you were either Team Dylan or Team Brandon (Jason Priestly).  And for me there was no contest. I was a skinny closeted recovering New Waver easily drawn to the sexy brooding loner with the pompadour, to say nothing of the jeans, the motorcycle & THE SIDEBURNS.

I grew out mine and watched 90210 every week. Back then it wasn’t cool to like a teen show in college, but me and a few close girlfriends would gather every Thursday night (it moved to Wednesdays in Season 3) to indulge in our secret obsession.

To this day, Sophie B. Hawkins‘ “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” always brings back memories of the summer Dylan cheated on Brenda with Kelly …and how we all wanted to be Kelly.

Years later, when Dylan left the series for two seasons, so did I.

And while I crushed on Dylan, I was equally taken with Luke.

He was why I went to see Buffy the Vampire Slayer in theaters, rented 8 Seconds the day it came out and still have the shirtless July 1992 Vanity Fair shot by Annie Leibovitz. So hot!

My crush on Luke is why I was genuinely happy to see his career renaissance as ‘the dad’ on Riverdale. While at the same time, horrified at the realization that I too could be the father of an extremely goodlooking twentysomething teen. Yikes! How did that happen?!

And that’s the thing, Luke was just five years older than me.  The man that gave this closeted teen life is now another reminder of his mortality. 

I didn’t know Luke and never met him, but he always seemed like one of the good guys.

I read that Luke died surrounded by his two children, fiancée, ex-wife, mother, siblings and other friends & family.  He was so loved, but we all knew that.

Luke Perry & Dylan McKay are gone, but neither will ever be forgotten.

 

They may be on an off-brand network, but the SAG Awards are doing something right. The show is a lean two hours with 15 categories, no overwrought numbers and presided over by a lowkey host.

With no homophobic tweet history to be found, Megan Mullally made it look easy, breezy and fun. She had some zingers, did a quick skit here and there, and mostly just let the show drive itself. No big whoop. So what? Who cares? And everyone goes home happy in time to watch Rent (not-so)Live on their DVR.

So whether you saw the SAGs or not, here are 15 moments that caught my eye.

1. Megan Mullally & Angela Bassett – This is 60. Icons & Legends only, the rest of us are all screwed.

2. Geoffrey Owens – Since the former Cosby Show star went from unemployed actor to front & center at the SAGs with multiple TV gigs just five months after being job shamed for working at Trader Joe’s, I’m expecting a big return from the universe for all those years of being shamed for buying 2 Buck Chuck. Seriously, hire me!

3. Matt Bomer & Ricky Martin – This made all the EPT results positive, melted all the Zara skinny jeans from Weho to Hells Kitchen and forced Mother to send Mike Pence immediately into a sensory deprivation chamber for the remainder of the Dump presidency. #TheRapture

4. Meg Ryan – Just kidding. Jane Fonda is the GOAT. Flawless!

5. Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper – (Today, the part of Halsey will be played by Anthony Ramos.) I have A Star Is Born PTSD, because anytime I see Ally Stefani & Brad standing on a stage together I can’t help but stare at his pants expecting it to happen again? Don’t do it, Jackson Maine!

Robin Wright – Category is: Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface goes to an award show and steals all the husbands realness. Based on this photo, Netflix has greenlit a House of Cards prequel where Claire Underwood time travels to the ’70s and for three seasons just dances and does coke at Studio 54. I’m so in!

Gabrielle Carteris – Here’s you’re annual reminder that while you were all chanting Donna Martin graduates, Andrea Zuckerman became SAG President!

Glenn Close & Michael Douglas – If you look real close you can see Lady Gaga boiling a rabbit behind them!

Patricia Arquette – If Patty can thank her co-stars, call out shady meal penalty infractions & praise Robert Mueller in a 90 second acceptance speech, you can get through Monday.

 

Awkwafina & Laverne Cox – This is the buddy comedy we need & deserve now!

Jason Bateman – So does best actor in drama series for Ozark mean he’s forgiven for mansplaining Jeffrey Tambor’s harassment of Jessica Walters on Arrested Development? Take your time.

Sandra Oh – Eve Polastri for the win again! And just like that Grey’s Anatomy is officially no longer her most defining role. RIP Cristina Yang.

Elisabeth Moss – Is the Scientolo-star slowly trading one cult for another? Praise be, the Deplorables?! If Leah Remini can’t save her, maybe Nancy Pelosi can!

Scott Bakula – I don’t watch NCIS: Dayton or whatever, but dayum grand zaddy! The 64-year-old has taken a quantum leap back in time.

Michael B. Jordan – What in S&M Laura Ashley floral hell is this?! Everyone lied to Michael B. Jordan. Louis Vuitton lied. Michael’s stylist lied. His publicist lied. The entire cast of Black Panther lied. Even Luenell lied and she had cougar spots sprayed into her head! This is not Michael B. Jordan’s fault. Michael B. Jordan has been wronged and we are all to blame. We all cheered on Timothee Chalamet & Adam Rippon‘s previous award show harness moments as fashion forward and edgy and then we turned around and put a glorified baby leash on Adonis Creed! On Johnny Storm!  On mutha fucking Killmonger?! We are all garbage and the only thing that can undue the damage is a celestial body. And by that I mean a photo of Michael B. Jordan shirtless.

Phew! My chakras have been cleansed, balance has been restored & all is right with the world. We must never see or speak of that again. Namaste!

If you didn’t watch the SAGs and chose to catch RENT (not-so) LIVE instead, here is a 15 second (Valentina-free) recap.

 

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PS: If you are keeping score, the Oscar frontrunners are now Glenn Close & Rami Malek for lead actress/actor, Mahershala Ali for supporting Actor (would be his second) and supporting actress a toss up between Amy Adams and Regina King. The Academy didn’t nominate SAG winner Emily Blunt. Stay tuned. #ForYourConsideration

Here’s the full SAG winners list:

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
Rami Malek in Bohemian Rhapsody

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
Glenn Close in The Wife

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Mahershala Ali in Green Book

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
Emily Blunt in A Quiet Place

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture
Black Panther

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture
Black Panther

TELEVISION WINNERS

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Limited Series
Darren Criss in The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Limited Series
Patricia Arquette in Escape at Dannemora

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series
Jason Bateman in Ozark

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series
Sandra Oh in Killing Eve

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series
Tony Shalhoub in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series
Rachel Brosnahan in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series
This Is Us

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Comedy or Drama Series
GLOW

The 55th Annual SAG Life Achievement Award
Alan Alda

 

Fifteen years after Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan is back and coming for Lisa Vanderpump‘s gigs!

The 32-year-old former child star turned former party girl is now a club owner, or at the least, playing one on TV.

Set in Mykonos, the premiere episode proved to be quite the educational experience. Here are 10 things I learned watching Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club.

 

1. The first rule of Lindsay Lohan Beach Club is never mention Lindsay Lohan Beach Club   always wear a bra.  Also, LOL to meeting with Spielberg! She funny.

2. The term “model marketing server” is apparently a thing and it’s douchy VIP lounge code for … server.

3. Blue hair is ok at Lohan Beach Club (and at the Golden Globes).  But two ladies with blue hair is not. #OnWednesdaysWeDyeYourHairPink

4. There are no production assistants or cabs in Mykonos, because LiLo is still driving herself around town. LAWD HAVE MERCY! 

5. Half of the show’s production budget went towards microblading for the male cast. Et tu, after-show host Jonathan Bennett.

6. Thirteen years since trust fund garbage person Brandon Davis called her out for being “$7 million poor,” Linds finally set the record straight.

 

7. Lindsay: “If she has more makeup than me then she’s fired.”  Um, agreed!

 

8. It’s official, Lindsay is not 45.

9. Lindsay: “The second you become emotional, I’m going to become like Putin. I have no emotion when it comes to money & business.” This also explains her performances in Liz & Dick  and The Canyons.

10. The true star of the show are Lindsay’s statement earrings. Hopefully someone paid for them!

 

And finally, if you need a non-Lindsay reason to watch next week’s episode, say hello (or is it yassou?) to Aristotle. I’ll be his brand ambassador anytime!

Now let’s pretend we’re in Mykonos and dance to the anthem of a generation. Welcome back, Lindsay!  #Rumors

 

ICYMI: 2019 Golden Globes Recap

RPDR All Stars 4

With all the deplorable crap going on in the world, one thing we can be thankful for is being gifted two All-Stars seasons in one calendar year!  As it’s only been 11 months since the premiere of All-Stars 3 in January, many of us are finally recovering from the subsequent controversial crowning of Shangela Trixie Mattel months later. HalleNOOOOO!

With that travesty behind us, here are three things I loved about the premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 4.

  1. Brown Cow stunning! Monique Heart proved that with a fierce wig and a house beat anything can be fabulous. HalleMOO!
  2. Winter is coming, but for Farrah Moan it’s all about THE FALL. Ouch! It was the death drop heard around the world & that I rewound five times to watch.  Guess her face isn’t the only thing beat for the gawds.
  3.  Give me some Latrice Royale all day, every day! #GGGGG

Without further ado, here are the All-Stars 4 celebrity twinsies.

Monique Heart may or may not be morally corrupt, but Faye Resnick has definitely got snatch game!

Monique Heart/Faye Resnick

Naomi Smalls is a replicant & her legs cut like a Blade …Runner.

Naomi Smalls/Daryl Hannah Blade Runner

Lawd have mercy, Trinity Taylor is full of Grace. Every girl knows a good tuck is a kween’s best friend!

Trinity The Tuck/Debra Messing

Latrice Royale is a big Star, so take a little time to enjoy this view.

Latrice Royale. Star Jones

Valentina is pretty Sly … Stallone’s wife.

You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You look like Jennifer Flavin. You’re a model!

Valentina/Jennifer Flavin.

Is Farrah Moan a NYC nightlife sensation? No, but she is trying to keep it real, Amanda Lepore real.

Farrah Moan/Amanda LePore

Gia Gunn came back looking like a total Fox.

Gia Gunn/Megan Fox

The rumors are true, Monet X Change loves Tina!

Monet X Change/Tina Turner

Manila Luzon is so animated this season. She’s a real comic! #Nancy

Manila Luzon/Nancy

Sorry haters, but Jasmine Masters is an iconic comedian. Roo roo roo!

Jasmine MAsters/Arsenio Hall

Now sashay away until next week!

Follow me:  https://www.instagram.com/thejohnnylopez/

 

 

 

 

 

We will. We will rock you! 🇺🇸 ✊🏽 🌈

#BlueWave 🌊 🙏🏾

 

If you’re watching Pose on FX, then you know it’s time for the House of Celebrity Dopplegangers Ball.

Blanca, your category is: Fame, Oh What A Feeling Irene Cara Up in Pumps With A Twist.

Elektra, your category is: Do You Know Where You’re Going To As A Legendary Icon Serving 70s Supermodel Diana Ross Vogue. #Mahogany

Angel, your category is: Say Hello To My Little Italian-American Actress Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio Stuntin’ As The Cuban Sis Of ‘ScarFACE’ Realness.

Pray Tell, your category is: Femme Queen First Time In A 90s Sitcom ‘Living Single’ At The Ball.

10s across the board, children. #WalkForMe

 

The season 10 premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race proved these chilrin are snatched for their lives!

Three things I loved about the premiere: 1. Seeing the all the queens from previous seasons. This is how you launch the first episode of the season. 2. Christina Aguilera giving us drag queen realness. It makes sense since for some of these kids, the Moulin Rouge video was their first introduction to drag. 3. Vanessa Vanje Mateo’s commentary. Someone give her a YouTube recap series stat.

Three things I didn’t like about the premiere: 1. Vanje went home. 2. Vanje went home. 3. Vanje went home. I don’t like these cookies!

Here are this week’s drag superstar twinsies!

Aquaria is a Real Housewife of NY!

She’s lip syncing to this Medley… Dorinda Medley.

 

Mayhem Miller, how do you like this COOKIE?!

This queen is ready for her Empire.

 

Miz Cracker, you’re perfect, you’re beautiful, you look like Linda Evangelista.

Sorry Valentina!

 

Monet X Change is a Master of None.

But she may snatch trophies like Lena Waithe.

 

Kameron Michaels‘ muscles will VanderPUMP you up!

Yes, SUR.

 

Vanessa Vanje Mateo — Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty!

 

Kalorie Karbdashian Williams … with a Z!

 

The Vixen is looking for a new love! (Jody Watley)

 

Monique Heart is having a Ball. (Lucille Ball)

 

Dusty Ray Bottoms — Hey Kitty Girl!

Now & Forever! #Cats

 

Yuhua Hamasaki wins the Minnie challenge!

 

Blair St. Clair has shown her evil side. (Ursa)

It’s going to take a superman to beat her!

 

Eureka O’Hara – This Runway look is a winner.

Let’s hope her sewing skills are half as good as Ashley Nell Tipton’s.

 

Asia O’Hara has drawn True Blood. (Lafayette)

Side note: I couldn’t find a template with 14 pics so had to pick one queen to leave out of the composite. No shade Asia. It was just the luck of the draw.

ICYMI: Here’s the one drag celebrity side-by-sides I did for All-Stars 3:

For more pop culture recaps, reads & shade, makes sure you download the latest episode of SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC podcast! Available on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify and Friendster!

Or just listen to it right here!

After finishing the second season of Stranger Things, I couldn’t help but find each of the main characters’ Upside Down bizarro twins.

With the exception of Will, they all have a doppleganger that referenced a star or character from the ’70s, ’80s or ’90s.

Anyway, enjoy the fruits of my lazy Sunday and trust there are no spoilers if you haven’t finished yet.

 

1. Will Byers – Anne Hathaway

Sure Will’s got that Joey Lawrence Gimme a Break Dorothy Hamill ‘do, but the only thing scarier than surviving the Demogorgon is that Anne won an Oscar for singing! I Dreamed a scary Dream!

2. Mike Wheeler – Isabella Rossellini

There are worse things for a 13-year-old boy to be compared to than the eternal beauty of Lisle Von Rohlman from Death Becomes Her.

 

3. Lucas Sinclair – Arnold Drummond (Gary Coleman) in Diff’rent Strokes

Whatcha talkin ’bout who ya gonna call, Lucas?

 

4. Dustin Henderson – J.T. Lambert (Brandon Call) from Step by Step

The scene was straight up Duckie in Pretty in Pink, but Dustin’s weave was the quintessential ‘short but long’ cut of my guido high school and this ’90s child star.

 

5. Eleven – Jamie Lee Curtis (Terror Train/Prom Night era)

Eleven is truly the scream queen for a new generation.

 

6. Steve Harrington – Sandra Bernhard

Ladies love them and their luxurious Fabergé sprayed hair.

 

7. Billy Hargrove – Rob Lowe as Billy Hicks in St. Elmo’s Fire

Speaking of hair, don’t forget they say the accessories make an outfit

 

8. Nancy Wheeler – Diane Franklin (The Last American Virgin, Better Off Dead, Bill & Ted’s)

It’s all about being an ’80s It girl. So be careful, Nancy! #WhereAreTheyNow

 

9. Jonathan Byers – Michael Jackson

The wispy hair, the delicate features, the pale complexion. Maybe I’m the only one that sees it, but Jonathan makes me want to SCREAM!

 

10. Max Mayfield – Carrie (Sissy Spacek)

A redheaded girl without many friends. Hold the pigs blood, because Max has got the power!

 

11. Lucas’ sister Erica Sinclair – Dee (Danielle Spencer) on What’s Happening!!

Can you say scene-stealing wisecracking younger sister? Then how about, “No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent!”

 

12. Joyce Byers – Winona Ryder in Lost Souls

No one does frazzled anxiety quite like Nona. She also hasn’t aged in 20 years. You can’t steal that from Saks!

And finally my favorite ’80s film reference in season 2 goes to Hopper‘s Silkwood shower.

 

Alien, ET, Firestarter, Pretty in Pink… (insert ’80s film here) be damned, nothing tops the hard brush scrubdown of the Meryl Streep film classic. Check out a more thorough list of ’80s references here.

And if you need something else to binge, check out my podcast SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC!  for all the week’s loud & proud pop culture noize. It’s funny, I swear!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/screaming-into-traffic/id1052412883?mt=2

 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/screaming-into-traffic/id1052412883?mt=2

My top 10 televised moments which ran in Frontiers Magazine.

600-TV

With apologies to Honey Boo Boo and Kris Jenner’s evil empire, these were the year’s best televised moments.

10. THE MILEY CYRUS REINVENTION TOUR

Whether twerking at the VMAs, smoking a blunt at the EMAs or flashing her adorable pussy at the AMAs, 20-year-old reformed Disney baby Miley Cyrus had everyone sticking their tongues out as she shed her skin while simultaneously committing murder on awards show stages around the world. RIP, Hannah Montana.

9. SHARKNADO!

Just when you thought it was safe to never see another Tara Reid movie, Sharknado happened. Syfy channel’s awesomely terrible B-movie about a freak storm that causes shark-infested tornadoes to ravage Los Angeles was absolutely the best comedy of the summer. Unfortunately, the CGI unearthed to help Ian Ziering hack his way out of a great white’s belly still wasn’t as cheesy as his hair on Beverly Hills, 90210.

8. THE SOUND OF MUSIC LIVE

The hills were alive with the sound of everyone throwing shade at Carrie Underwood’s acting. Despite her line-reading skills, NBC pulled off the impossible and made three hours of live musical theater “Must-See TV.” The fact that it was a ratings hit assures that we’re about a year or two away from watching Mandy Moore and Ashanti in Cats. Now and forever!

7. THE GOLDEN GLOBES

Every awards show needs more T&A—Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. The reigning queens of comedy hysterically ripped on everyone from James Cameron to James Franco and even managed the perfect closing line after a certain rambling quasi-coming out speech—“Good night, everybody. We’re going home with Jodie Foster.” The ladies are hosting next month’s Globes, and chances are their sequel will be even better than the first.

6. THE RISE OF NETFLIX ORIGINALS

This year Netflix started creating original content, and it had the likes of HBO and AMC shaking in their critically acclaimed series’ boots. With all-new episodes of House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black available at once, Netflix changed the television programming landscape and made binge watching more fun than binge drinking. Cheers to Season 2!

5. THE BEYONCÉ BOWL

Following in Madonna’s footsteps, Beyoncé brought 13 minutes of fierceness—and hordes of gay viewers—to the most-watched television program of the year, the Super Bowl. Throw in a Destiny’s Child reunion featuring Kelly and Michelle shooting up from under the stage and we’ll let slide that Mrs. Carter had the nerve to end her weave-tastic performance with a ballad. I can see your hell no!

4. GIRLS: ONE MAN’S TRASH

You know, the one where Lena Dunham played ping pong with Patrick Wilson in the nude—and everyone shrieked.  After getting past the misogynistic rants of how unrealistic a coupling it was, this fantasy episode took a break from Hannah’s usual narcissism and entitlement to perfectly highlight the vulnerability, hopes and insecurities so prevalent in one’s 20s. If you don’t think a guy would sleep with someone half his age who isn’t the standard notion of beauty and who just happens to show up at his front door, you’ve obviously never used Grindr.

3. AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN

What AHS lacks in scares this season is more than made up for by showcasing three stellar actresses at the top of their game (Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett, Kathy Bates) battling it out Drag Race-style for the best lines with even better wigs. Throw in the amazing Lily Rabe and a landslide of Stevie Nicks adulation and you’ll see why this season is supreme.

2. PROP. 8 PLAINTIFFS MARRY

The roller coaster ride that was the Prop. 8 case received the storybook ending we all dreamed of when local news stations aired outgoing L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa marrying plaintiffs Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo live on June 28. For once there was a reality show we could be proud to watch.

1. THE RED WEDDING

Speaking of weddings, the most controversial one of the year did not involve a Supreme Court case or same-sex couples. In one of the most violent and brutal episodes to air on television, HBO’s Game of Thrones killed off a slew of main characters and dethroned Dynasty’s “Moldavian Massacre” for bloodiest wedding reception ever. The Red Wedding is the only thing—on TV, at least—that will leave you gagging from getting so much head.