2010 American Music Awards

Things learned from watching the 2010 American Music Awards:

1. Either the Nokia Theatre is cursed, or good live performances are about as dead as Lindsay Lohan’s career.
2. Between Taylor Swift’s wig and Train’s glitter pants, the music biz has completely raided the “Hanna Montana” hair and wardrobe closet.
3. Somebody put baby in the corner and chloroform the Black Eyed Peas.
4. Since acting and singing aren’t working, Miley Cyrus really needs a viable exit strategy.
5. Not since Bush/Cheney has anyone fooled the American public as well as Katy Perry and Taylor Swift.
6. Christina Aguilera is a huge singer.
7. Justin Bieber proves “It Gets Better.”
8. Ke$ha has everyone beat in one department, she knows lip-synching can be your friend.
9. Being married to Gwen Stefani takes a toll on a man.
10. There are no winners in the BSBNKOTB reunion tour.

Last night can best be summed up by the following question: What if you threw a music award show and no one sang well?

As always send me any feedback to my email at: thejohnnylopez@gmail.com.

Be thankful it’s over.

Rihanna – She’s the only girl in the world that can pull off a Michelle Pfeiffer “Married to the Mob” guidette ‘do, a pair of onion ring Salt n Pepa door knocker earrings and thunder thighs.

Black Eyed Peas – Can you please sit this one out? I mean, seriously. They are relentless.

Manny & Cameron from ‘Modern Family’ – Will the real Chaz Bono please stand up?!

Enrique Iglesias – Yeah I Like It!

Miley Cyrus – Stevie Nicks FAIL. Please leave ballads to the grown-ups.

Diddy – Stick to producing, Puff Daddy.

Jessica Alba — Gorgeous.

Taylor Swift – Wearing ‘The Olga’ — a $19.99 Russian hooker wig from The Kim Zolciak Collection – I wasn’t sure if she was performing at the AMAs or on the lam from an abusive husband in a Lifetime movie (Thanks Michaela).

Samuel L. Jackson – Is there any award show he doesn’t present at?

Kid Rock – His performance was sponsored by your DVR’s fast forward button.

Johnny Weir & Christina Millian – If you let them mate you would get Snooki.

Katy Perry – She must have swallowed a firework, because cats being skinned alive sound more harmonious.

Nicki Minaj – You can fawn over her music, wigs and Gaga outfits, but is anyone going to ask “gay ally”, OUT mag cover girl and alleged bisexual Ms. Minaj why she let Eminem say “f**got” on their song “Roman’s Revenge?” Rah Rah!

Justin Bieber – Paging Peter Brady! When it’s time to change, you’ve got to rearrange. He’s the most popular androgynous pop star since Boy George.

Mandy Moore – Amazon woman.

Bon Jovi – Just the old hits, Jersey boys. Just the old hits.

Pink – more like Rizzo from Pink Ladies. She’s wearing a bad outfit … for two! Don’t be fancy, just get dancey? Lyric FAIL.

Christina Aguilera – From Xtina to XLtina. If she keeps it up, her next duet will be with Kermit. BURLY-esque (thanks Lou).

Rascal Flats – Country music’s first out and proud lesbian band.

Usher – OMG, he sounded bad.

Swedish House Mafia – Will be heavily Googled today.

Avril Lavigne – Still rockin’ those 2002 pink extensions? And I thought dating Brody Jenner was the douchiest thing about her.

Train – Just when you thought BSBNKOTB were going to be the only grown ass men making a fool of themselves tonight!

Ke$ha – We R Who We R and Who We R is the Dog Bounty Hunter Dancers. Agree with Art, it’s a sad day when K$ has the best performance of the night. Apocalyp$e now! DJ turn the auto-tune up!

Gavin Rossdale – Um, WHAT?! Someone is going to have his credit cards taken away by Gwen Stefani. We’ve finally found Bush’s weapon of mass destruction. Bang a Gong Show!

BSBNKOTB – They forgot some initials like: SOS & RIP. “Oh my God, We’re Back Again!” “Tell Me Why” “Oh Oh Oh Oh! Oh Oh Oh Oh!” – their words not mine. Just sayin’.