Award show Archives - J.LO | The Johnny LopezJ.LO | The Johnny Lopez

The funniest thing about all the outrage over Ricky Gervais taking jabs at the Hollywood elite during his Golden Globes opening monologue is how Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh got similar backlash for being too nice hosting last year’s show. Damned if you do …

With the threat of war, fires and a President that lobs lies and insults at every one, including teenagers, in his path, it’s no wonder even Brad Pitt is pleading that everyone be a little nicer to each other.

All that being said, I still think there’s room to step back and laugh at some of the sillier things in life, like $5000 gowns. At least I hope.

So enjoy my lighthearted take on this year’s Globes. If you don’t, please feel free to call me out on social media … because I could really use the followers!

Ramy Youssef  – Never seen him or his show before, but legit thought it was some sort of sketch with a female comedian like Sarah Silverman dressed in male drag. Oopsies!

Elton John – With his new weave on point, statement jewelry and rose-colored glasses, Sir Elton was ready for his first win with longtime lyricist Bernie Taupin. The Bitch is Back!

Kathy Bates – Just for the record, Elton did not do a costume change. How dare you? Rude!

Sofia Vergara & Matt Bomer – Both are sickeningly gorgeous, but if Matt was her true gay BFF he’d make sure she didn’t wear problematic designers like Dolce & Gabbana. Google “synthetic children.”

Kerry Washington – What in Olivia Pope hell?! Scandal, indeed. This needs to be handled, stat! Where’s Momoa’s tank top when you need it? Once and for all, can we please leave the thirsty plunging neckline where it belongs; next to the couture remains of J.Lo’s iconic yet overhyped 2000 Versace. RIP.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge – If we can’t have Amy & Tina, then please give us Phoebe as next year’s host. It’s the master of ceremonies we need and deserve. Thanks, Obama!

Kate McKinnon – On second thought, give us Kate! That speech! A coming out story always gets me. Despite the funny jokes and the heartfelt anecdotes, I found myself overly thinking about how, unlike McKinnon, I was not 13 when the now-legendary Ellen episode aired in 1997. #Old

Ellen DeGeneres – Despite the Kevin Hart trash fire, the George Bush mess and all the working at Ellen show stories, I still think her coming out in 1997 and subsequent downfall just months before Will & Grace premiered should never be forgotten. Not all heroes wear capes and not all heroes are perfect, but she was the LGBT hero who stepped up when others wouldn’t. So Imma focus on that right now.

Side note, Portia and Ellen are morphing into Brad & Gwyneth circa 1995.

Daniel Craig & Ana de Armas – They’ve now starred in Knives Out and the upcoming Bond film No Time Left to Die together. Rachel Weisz is issuing the Cuban actress a cease and desist as we speak. Ai yi yi!

Margot Robbie –  Her driver must have made a wrong turn on Benedict Canyon and wound up at the Globes instead of the upscale bridal shower in the Palisades where this would have slayed.

Taylor Swift – Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking.

Gwyneth Paltrow – Everyone has a lot to say about Gwynnie’s look, but I am so here for her sheer mocha prairie dress. It’s part slave Leia in Return of the Jedi, part belly dancer and 100% insane. But this is what we rarely see these days; a major star, taking a major risk. This is our ’80s Cher moment. This is our heir to Celine Dion‘s reverse tux. This is Demi Moore‘s Oscar bike shorts repurposed for a new generation. Somewhere in Valley Village, Lara Flynn Boyle is looking at her 2003 ballerina tutu and attempting to smile. Brava, Mrs. Paltrow-Falchuck. Brava!

Laura Dern – Serving us cool Topanga Canyon Auntie meets sexy Mrs. Roper realness. She may have made a bundt, but don’t worry, it’s laced.

Dakota Fanning – You might want to doublecheck, but I believe Dak wore this to the I Am Sam premiere in 2001. #Throwback

Lisa Bonet & Jason Momoa – Exclusive! First look at the cover of Anne Rice’s new gothic novel.

Patricia Arquette – Commanding attention, taking no prisoners and snatching trophies with a severe haircut while wearing sunglasses indoors. Anna Wintour is shook. The Devil Wears whatever the fuck she wants.

Jodie Comer & Olivia Colman – With apologies to Jennifer Lopez, but Jodie and Olivia were hands downs my favorite Christmas ornaments of the night. As an added bonus, it appears Eddie Murphy’s recent SNL appearance influenced Jodie’s refreshing take on Gumby chic.

Charlize Theron – Not my favorite look, but since Thou Shalt Not Use Charlize’s Name in Vain, I’ll just reiterate how amazing she is as Megyn Kelly in Bombshell.  Or in anything actually. Charlize makes everything better. Just imagine if Gwyneth wore this. Y’all be trashing it extra HARD.

Cate Blanchett – It’s Cate on a half shell. Listen, when you have two Oscars, going to the Globes is all about having a laugh. Mission accomplished.

Michelle Williams – Her personal and poignant pro-choice speech was especially powerfully as she’s currently pregnant with her second child. Wow, that’s a lot of Ps. Needless to say, I stand with Michelle Williams and I stand with Planned Parenthood.  Also, she’s excellent in Fosse/Verdon.

Wesley Snipes – I think this whole Urkel at a ’70s wedding vibe is actually working for him. Which says a lot since prior to Dolemite, everything he’s done in the last 15 years has been straight to video.

Jennifer Lopez – Just like Tulsi Gabbard, J.Lo voted PRESENT. While impeaching her stylist might be a little harsh, they should at least be censured for committing such a treasonous act against an American icon. We will rebuild.

Fun fact: Paul Rudd and Jennifer Lopez are both 50. FIFTY. CINCUENTA. FIVE. ZERO!

Brad Pitt – George Clooney, who? Old school Robert Redford, what? 56-year-old Brad Pitt, yaaaassss!

Adam Driver – Don’t feel bad for Adam losing. Like Rami Malek and Taron Ergeton before him, as soon as they greenlight the Marilyn Manson biopic, award show gold is all his. I can already hear him singing, “The beautiful people, the beautiful people!”

Billy Porter – Phew! I was getting nervous for Billy. With his over-the-top, gender-bending red carpet ensembles reaching a Gaga-level of ubiquituousness, I was afraid his fashion theatrics would become so expected that they’d barely bat a lash or worse, relegate him to gay clown purgatory. Luckily, the Pose star leveled up by toning it down. The white tux with detachable feather train brought the drama, but without the buffonery. He later removed the fluffy embellishment and let his natural fierceness make the boldest statement. Sashay you stay, Pray Tell.

Awkwafina – The Farewell officially ushers in her arrival.  Making history as the first woman of Asian descent to win a Golden Globe for lead actress in a comedy (altho that film is equally a drama), Awkwafina’s star is clearly on the rise. She’s the new queen of Queens! And if you have a problem with her ruffled Karl Lagerfeld-esque collar on her Dior ensemble then tawk to da hand!

Glenn Close – While last year’s Oscars proved she’s no Golden Girl (#JusticeForGlenn), this is  quite possible the best Bea Arthur has ever looked.

Renée Zellweger – Welcome to the Renéeassaince. She’s back & coming for all your gigs, ladies!

Sandra Bullock – Love that despite Bird Box, Sandy has reached that level of unannounced final award presenter in the footsteps of Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington. When you’re 56 and haven’t aged in 20 years ala JLo & PRudd,  everyone can just step aside.

Beyoncé and Jay Z – Or was it Dominique Deveraux and Coolio?

Until next time, check out my review of CATS below. Happy New Year!

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION — MY ‘CATS’ MOVIE REVIEW

 

They may be on an off-brand network, but the SAG Awards are doing something right. The show is a lean two hours with 15 categories, no overwrought numbers and presided over by a lowkey host.

With no homophobic tweet history to be found, Megan Mullally made it look easy, breezy and fun. She had some zingers, did a quick skit here and there, and mostly just let the show drive itself. No big whoop. So what? Who cares? And everyone goes home happy in time to watch Rent (not-so)Live on their DVR.

So whether you saw the SAGs or not, here are 15 moments that caught my eye.

1. Megan Mullally & Angela Bassett – This is 60. Icons & Legends only, the rest of us are all screwed.

2. Geoffrey Owens – Since the former Cosby Show star went from unemployed actor to front & center at the SAGs with multiple TV gigs just five months after being job shamed for working at Trader Joe’s, I’m expecting a big return from the universe for all those years of being shamed for buying 2 Buck Chuck. Seriously, hire me!

3. Matt Bomer & Ricky Martin – This made all the EPT results positive, melted all the Zara skinny jeans from Weho to Hells Kitchen and forced Mother to send Mike Pence immediately into a sensory deprivation chamber for the remainder of the Dump presidency. #TheRapture

4. Meg Ryan – Just kidding. Jane Fonda is the GOAT. Flawless!

5. Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper – (Today, the part of Halsey will be played by Anthony Ramos.) I have A Star Is Born PTSD, because anytime I see Ally Stefani & Brad standing on a stage together I can’t help but stare at his pants expecting it to happen again? Don’t do it, Jackson Maine!

Robin Wright – Category is: Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface goes to an award show and steals all the husbands realness. Based on this photo, Netflix has greenlit a House of Cards prequel where Claire Underwood time travels to the ’70s and for three seasons just dances and does coke at Studio 54. I’m so in!

Gabrielle Carteris – Here’s you’re annual reminder that while you were all chanting Donna Martin graduates, Andrea Zuckerman became SAG President!

Glenn Close & Michael Douglas – If you look real close you can see Lady Gaga boiling a rabbit behind them!

Patricia Arquette – If Patty can thank her co-stars, call out shady meal penalty infractions & praise Robert Mueller in a 90 second acceptance speech, you can get through Monday.

 

Awkwafina & Laverne Cox – This is the buddy comedy we need & deserve now!

Jason Bateman – So does best actor in drama series for Ozark mean he’s forgiven for mansplaining Jeffrey Tambor’s harassment of Jessica Walters on Arrested Development? Take your time.

Sandra Oh – Eve Polastri for the win again! And just like that Grey’s Anatomy is officially no longer her most defining role. RIP Cristina Yang.

Elisabeth Moss – Is the Scientolo-star slowly trading one cult for another? Praise be, the Deplorables?! If Leah Remini can’t save her, maybe Nancy Pelosi can!

Scott Bakula – I don’t watch NCIS: Dayton or whatever, but dayum grand zaddy! The 64-year-old has taken a quantum leap back in time.

Michael B. Jordan – What in S&M Laura Ashley floral hell is this?! Everyone lied to Michael B. Jordan. Louis Vuitton lied. Michael’s stylist lied. His publicist lied. The entire cast of Black Panther lied. Even Luenell lied and she had cougar spots sprayed into her head! This is not Michael B. Jordan’s fault. Michael B. Jordan has been wronged and we are all to blame. We all cheered on Timothee Chalamet & Adam Rippon‘s previous award show harness moments as fashion forward and edgy and then we turned around and put a glorified baby leash on Adonis Creed! On Johnny Storm!  On mutha fucking Killmonger?! We are all garbage and the only thing that can undue the damage is a celestial body. And by that I mean a photo of Michael B. Jordan shirtless.

Phew! My chakras have been cleansed, balance has been restored & all is right with the world. We must never see or speak of that again. Namaste!

If you didn’t watch the SAGs and chose to catch RENT (not-so) LIVE instead, here is a 15 second (Valentina-free) recap.

 

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PS: If you are keeping score, the Oscar frontrunners are now Glenn Close & Rami Malek for lead actress/actor, Mahershala Ali for supporting Actor (would be his second) and supporting actress a toss up between Amy Adams and Regina King. The Academy didn’t nominate SAG winner Emily Blunt. Stay tuned. #ForYourConsideration

Here’s the full SAG winners list:

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
Rami Malek in Bohemian Rhapsody

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
Glenn Close in The Wife

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Mahershala Ali in Green Book

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
Emily Blunt in A Quiet Place

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture
Black Panther

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture
Black Panther

TELEVISION WINNERS

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Limited Series
Darren Criss in The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Limited Series
Patricia Arquette in Escape at Dannemora

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series
Jason Bateman in Ozark

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series
Sandra Oh in Killing Eve

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series
Tony Shalhoub in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series
Rachel Brosnahan in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series
This Is Us

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Comedy or Drama Series
GLOW

The 55th Annual SAG Life Achievement Award
Alan Alda