2007 SAG Awards

Because the SAG Awards were so utterly uneventful and since my day job has been insanely busy, I am forgoing my usual recap format. Instead of my standard laundry list of thoughts, I am going to just give you my biggest gripe of the entire night. And no, it was not Ellen Pompeo’s Mrs. Roper Goes to Spanish Harlem outfit.

My friends, the worst ENSEMBLE by far was “Little Miss Sunshine” winning for Best Ensemble Cast! To quote SNL Weekend Update: REALLY?!?!

I know America and the Guild love a feel good Cinderella story, but can’t we let Macy Gray, er, I mean Jennifer Hudson fulfill that quota? Don’t even get me started on the Oscars, because I can’t believe it’s nominated for Best Picture over more deserving films like “Children of Men”, “United 93”, “The Good Shepherd” (which I thought was just ok) or even, bite my tongue, “Dreamgirls.”

As far as ensemble casts go, you mean to tell me Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Steve Carell, Alan Arkin, Abigail Breslin, and the guy who played the son were, as a whole, better than the cast of “The Departed?” REALLY?!
Better than: Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Anthony Anderson and Vera Farmiga. REALLY?!

If you are still professing your love for “the little movie that could” then please explain to me how in the hell you seriously bought:

1. Steve Carell’s character bumping into his ex at the rest stop on the highway. REALLY?! This isn’t an episode of “Friends” people!

2. That this family didn’t know what went on at kiddie beauty pageants. REALLY?! Did the local news in their part of Albuquerque not cover the whole Jon Benet Ramsey case? Even my relatives in Cuba know what goes on and they only have electricity on alternate Tuesdays!

3. That Toni Collette’s character would go to all this trouble to get her daughter to a beauty pageant, yet has no clue what her daughter’s routine is until she’s on stage? REALLY?!

4. That Steve Carell’s character would dash his nephew’s Air Force Academy dreams on the spot by telling him they don’t let in guys who are color blind. REALLY?! You mean you wouldn’t google the Academy rules first to be sure or at least wait until you get home.REALLY?! And since when are rebellious goth teens clamoring to get into the Armed Forces? Do they not make Dungeons & Dragons anymore?

5. The family driving around with Alan Arkin’s dead body in the van. REALLY?! Actually, I thought this was funny too…in “National Lampoon’s Vacation”!

Now, I can enjoy slapstick comedy as much as the next fool, but please don’t try to pass it off as a real or believable story. Cause it ain’t!

And finally, if the Academy really wants to honor a young, up-and-coming talent, then, with my apologies to Miss Breslin, look no further than “Half Nelson’s” Shareeka Epps. She, my friends, is truly a SUPERFREAKin’ great actress!

Well, enough talk about this drivel of a movie. On to the Grammys on February 11th. I hear Beyonce has already commissioned Barbaro’s remains for her weave.

-Johnny Lopez