Lohan Beach Club | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

 

Fifteen years after Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan is back and coming for Lisa Vanderpump‘s gigs!

The 32-year-old former child star turned former party girl is now a club owner, or at the least, playing one on TV.

Set in Mykonos, the premiere episode proved to be quite the educational experience. Here are 10 things I learned watching Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club.

 

1. The first rule of Lindsay Lohan Beach Club is never mention Lindsay Lohan Beach Club   always wear a bra.  Also, LOL to meeting with Spielberg! She funny.

2. The term “model marketing server” is apparently a thing and it’s douchy VIP lounge code for … server.

3. Blue hair is ok at Lohan Beach Club (and at the Golden Globes).  But two ladies with blue hair is not. #OnWednesdaysWeDyeYourHairPink

4. There are no production assistants or cabs in Mykonos, because LiLo is still driving herself around town. LAWD HAVE MERCY! 

5. Half of the show’s production budget went towards microblading for the male cast. Et tu, after-show host Jonathan Bennett.

6. Thirteen years since trust fund garbage person Brandon Davis called her out for being “$7 million poor,” Linds finally set the record straight.

 

7. Lindsay: “If she has more makeup than me then she’s fired.”  Um, agreed!

 

8. It’s official, Lindsay is not 45.

9. Lindsay: “The second you become emotional, I’m going to become like Putin. I have no emotion when it comes to money & business.” This also explains her performances in Liz & Dick  and The Canyons.

10. The true star of the show are Lindsay’s statement earrings. Hopefully someone paid for them!

 

And finally, if you need a non-Lindsay reason to watch next week’s episode, say hello (or is it yassou?) to Aristotle. I’ll be his brand ambassador anytime!

Now let’s pretend we’re in Mykonos and dance to the anthem of a generation. Welcome back, Lindsay!  #Rumors

 

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