Screaming Into Traffic | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

Before we go any further, let us remember that the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art is not your average red carpet event.

In my opinion, a Met Gala dress is a dress that is only appropriate for the Met Gala. You shouldn’t be able to wear it to any other black tie charity event, the Fastest & the Furiousest premiere or the Oscars! It is to be worn to the Metropolitan Museum of Art on the first Monday in May … and that’s it.

Avant-garde is highly encouraged. Leave that little black dress at home. If you’re safe or just giving plain old Hollywood glamour, Anna Wintour should make you Uber home and change.

This is the Hunger Games of fashion and we’re in the Capitol, baby. Effie Trinket is your stylist & your muse. Go ahead and be the Girl on Fire. If not, you’ll suffer a fate worse than death, being called boring.

With that being said, here our some MAYJAH lewks that I’m totally going to make light of …whether I liked them or not! 😜

1.Katy Perry went Gaga, but for once she actually got it right. First I can’t get her new song “Bon Appetit” out of my head and now I approve of Katheryn Hudson’s Real Housewives of Kabul couture. This is my new reality in Trump America, people!

 

2. Category is: Pharrell‘s wife first time in red Teletubby drags at the ball.

 

3.  Kylie Jenner arrives with her drag mother ‘Queen Ravenna’ Versace.

 

4. Lena Dunham wearing my sophomore year dorm comforter. Looks toasty though!

 

5. Solange knows air mattress is the new black.

 

6. Not even a Pepsi can save Kendall Jenner from this AVN Awards chic. She’s XXXtra.

 

7. If the theme was 1969 Oscars, then Jennifer Lopez nailed it! But seriously loved that she covered up knowing most would be airing out their vadges up and down Fifth Ave. #WhenTheyGoLowYouGoWrapped

 

8. Spoiler Alert! King Joffrey’s long lost twin sisters have surfaced. The Olsen Twins are representing Full House Baratheon. #GoT

 

9. GOOP Style Tip: If you can’t find anything to wear to the Met Gala, just repurpose one of your old ’90s Oscar gowns! #GwynethPaltrow

 

10. Alert Ryan Murphy! There will not be a Feud: Courtney vs. Frances Bean.

 

11. Come through Celine Dion with this Lady Liberty meets ’80s Cher moment!

 

12. Call Homeland security, someone TP’d Claire Danes!

 

13. No one cares, boo. #KimWhatsHerName

 

14. When your dramatic fashion moment gets derailed by a beige “red carpet” … #TrenchCoatMafia #PriyankaChopra 

 

15. Bella Hadid, 20, is serving pussy-catsuit. Parental guidance is suggested, so luckily her mom, RHOBH‘s Yolanda Hadid, was there too.

 

16. Speaking of Effie Trinket, Elizabeth Banks is gorgeous … Gigi Gorgeous!

 

17. Madonna is dressed for battle because of all the attacks she is sure to get in the press. #TheresOnlyOneQueenBitchesAndSheCanWearWhateverSheWants

 

18. You guys, haven’t the Kennedy‘s suffered enough! Sweet Caroline, good times never seemed so good…

 

19. Rihanna won the Met Gala … and a VIP membership to Jo-Ann Fabrics!

 

20. And finally …  SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is back next week after a three month sabbatical of silence, meditation and home drinking. 🍷 😴 🍷

We’ve got a new lewk & new surprises, but still the same old reads & shade. Season 3 is serving all the latest loud & proud pop culture noize that your weave can handle!

New episode coming next week…but until then binge & purge the first two seasons on iTunes! Come thru podcast kweens and listen, like & share!

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is all about Executive Disorders, Beyonce‘s twins, Winona Ryder‘s face melt, Mischa Barton‘s “return” and a dissection of The Bachelor. So stop fighting on FB with your third cousin once removed & listen to this rant!

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This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC enlists the help of Weho’s First Lady Michel Verdi Krymis to sound off on Madonna‘s amazing speech, Botox problems, the Trump & Kanye circus, LA LA Land, sexism, Walking Dead‘s Scientology crisis & the fashion power of Caitlyn Jenner. Now we may not be Russian … but we’re definitely hacks. So listen up!

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This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC – with special guest Jason Coffey – will grab you by the p*ssy with talk of the 2nd debate, Coming Out Day, Drag Race, Gay Bachelors, Sia‘s “live” concert, clown sightings and a Kardashian/Jenner blackout. So if you like your pop culture raw, real & ridiculous … we got you, boo.

Click here to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes. 

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is joined by TV & nightlife producer Woody Woodbeck as we rant about Rupaul‘s Emmy, “Finding Prince Charming“s black tie problems, Lady Gaga‘s Illusion, American Horror Story‘s premiere, Naya Rivera & Tim Gunn‘s scalding hot tea & Kim Zolciak‘s new, um, look.

So if you like your pop culture raw, real & ridiculous …we got you, boo!

Click here to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes. 

This week Screaming Into Traffic Podcast tackles the VMAs, FYF FestRuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, Amy Schumer‘s book, Colton Haynes‘ speech, the Gay Bachelor, clown sightings, Dancing with the “Stars” 101 and a Britney Spears rant for the ages. If you like your pop culture raw, real & ridiculous then you are home!

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This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC goes inside the amazing Pulse fundraiser in Hollywood, gives a bipartisan 9 minute read of Britney Spears‘ 367th comeback since the ‘Gimme More’ Incident of 2007, asks FrankOcean if gay BLOND’s have more fun and takes a dip in the thirsty Instagram waters off Mykonos! So take a listen or we’ll have Bette Midler tweet your ass!

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The Cult of Britney has been raving about Ms. Spears’ comeback for the last 9 years since she imploded on the VMA stage in 2007. Will it stick this time?

Listen to this 90 second teaser of what we had to say.

Entire episode will be up very soon!

Check out all episodes of SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC on iTunes.

 

Let’s get soaking wet, as SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC dives into the Olympic pool looking for speedos, smooth torsos & sketchy swimmers. Plus Britney Spears comes alive, Lady Gaga is reborn, Madonna celebrates a birth & Caitlyn Jenner transitions for the last time.

 

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC goes nude with Orlando Bieber Melania, gay for Tyler Posey & crazy for those killer Suicide Squad reviews. So fire up the Zika shots, whip out your best Olympic drag & lip sync for your legacy with us, Gorge!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A REVIEW & SUBSCRIBE to  SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC