MET Gala | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

Before we go any further, let us remember that the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art is not your average red carpet event.

In my opinion, a Met Gala dress is a dress that is only appropriate for the Met Gala. You shouldn’t be able to wear it to any other black tie charity event, the Fastest & the Furiousest premiere or the Oscars! It is to be worn to the Metropolitan Museum of Art on the first Monday in May … and that’s it.

Avant-garde is highly encouraged. Leave that little black dress at home. If you’re safe or just giving plain old Hollywood glamour, Anna Wintour should make you Uber home and change.

This is the Hunger Games of fashion and we’re in the Capitol, baby. Effie Trinket is your stylist & your muse. Go ahead and be the Girl on Fire. If not, you’ll suffer a fate worse than death, being called boring.

With that being said, here our some MAYJAH lewks that I’m totally going to make light of …whether I liked them or not! 😜

1.Katy Perry went Gaga, but for once she actually got it right. First I can’t get her new song “Bon Appetit” out of my head and now I approve of Katheryn Hudson’s Real Housewives of Kabul couture. This is my new reality in Trump America, people!

 

2. Category is: Pharrell‘s wife first time in red Teletubby drags at the ball.

 

3.  Kylie Jenner arrives with her drag mother ‘Queen Ravenna’ Versace.

 

4. Lena Dunham wearing my sophomore year dorm comforter. Looks toasty though!

 

5. Solange knows air mattress is the new black.

 

6. Not even a Pepsi can save Kendall Jenner from this AVN Awards chic. She’s XXXtra.

 

7. If the theme was 1969 Oscars, then Jennifer Lopez nailed it! But seriously loved that she covered up knowing most would be airing out their vadges up and down Fifth Ave. #WhenTheyGoLowYouGoWrapped

 

8. Spoiler Alert! King Joffrey’s long lost twin sisters have surfaced. The Olsen Twins are representing Full House Baratheon. #GoT

 

9. GOOP Style Tip: If you can’t find anything to wear to the Met Gala, just repurpose one of your old ’90s Oscar gowns! #GwynethPaltrow

 

10. Alert Ryan Murphy! There will not be a Feud: Courtney vs. Frances Bean.

 

11. Come through Celine Dion with this Lady Liberty meets ’80s Cher moment!

 

12. Call Homeland security, someone TP’d Claire Danes!

 

13. No one cares, boo. #KimWhatsHerName

 

14. When your dramatic fashion moment gets derailed by a beige “red carpet” … #TrenchCoatMafia #PriyankaChopra 

 

15. Bella Hadid, 20, is serving pussy-catsuit. Parental guidance is suggested, so luckily her mom, RHOBH‘s Yolanda Hadid, was there too.

 

16. Speaking of Effie Trinket, Elizabeth Banks is gorgeous … Gigi Gorgeous!

 

17. Madonna is dressed for battle because of all the attacks she is sure to get in the press. #TheresOnlyOneQueenBitchesAndSheCanWearWhateverSheWants

 

18. You guys, haven’t the Kennedy‘s suffered enough! Sweet Caroline, good times never seemed so good…

 

19. Rihanna won the Met Gala … and a VIP membership to Jo-Ann Fabrics!

 

20. And finally …  SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is back next week after a three month sabbatical of silence, meditation and home drinking. 🍷 😴 🍷

We’ve got a new lewk & new surprises, but still the same old reads & shade. Season 3 is serving all the latest loud & proud pop culture noize that your weave can handle!

New episode coming next week…but until then binge & purge the first two seasons on iTunes! Come thru podcast kweens and listen, like & share!

The annual Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art is all about fashion, drama and letting us have it. It is the Oscars on steroids. It is not for the timid, the safe, or for placating the small minds of the basic masses at home. Ready-to-Wear is not allowed.

That being said, here are 20 MAYJAH lewks from this year’s MET GALA, whose theme was “China: Through the Looking Glass.” #culturalappropriationalert

1. Eat your heart out, Khaleesi. Introducing Sarah Jessica Parker, Mother of Dragons. Carrie Bradshaw is alive and well.

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2. Vogue Creative Director, Grace Coddington knows it’s her party and she can wear Prada pajamas if she wants too! It’s all about Miss Grace, y’all.

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3. Take away the bizarre statement necklace and Jennifer Lawrence is every PR girl working media check-in at a movie premiere. “Like, omigawd, I don’t see your name on the list.” Katniss needs to set this dress on fire!

"China: Through The Looking Glass" Costume Institute Benefit Gala - Arrivals

4. Katie Holmes in Zac Posen. Rihanna wig sold separately.

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5. This is the most hood you will ever see Anne Hathaway.

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6.  Elizabeth Banks serving Real Housewives of New Jersey realness. Styling by Dina Manzo.

"China: Through The Looking Glass" Costume Institute Benefit Gala - Arrivals

7.  The girl from The Ring is all growed up and BFFs with Selena Gomez, who, by the way, is finally showing off her voluptuous Latina curves. Wepa!

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8. Kris Jenner in Linda Dano/Fellica Gallant Another World drag. Thank God Bruce is now safe.

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9.  Full House is dead to them, but American Horror Story would be a game changer for The Olsen Twins.

"China: Through The Looking Glass" Costume Institute Benefit Gala

10. Lorde have mercy.

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11. It’s Bieberace. Behind the Douchelabra.

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12.  What would Giuliana Rancic think about this? More importantly, how the hell does Zendaya get invited to all these A-list events? Patchouli oil and weed?

"China: Through The Looking Glass" Costume Institute Benefit Gala

13. Beauty and the Beast in reverse. J.Lo knows to always keep a safe distance of at least two feet away from the Donatella Verzombie.

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14. It takes a village, people! Rihanna is giving you GOWN for the GAWDS. #BedBathAndBeyondHauteCouture

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15. Someone please inform Ms. Witherspoon that it’s the MET GALA not the Golden Globes! #snore #boring #change

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16. It’s not nice to make fun of the fashion handicapped. #KatyPerryAlwaysGetsItWrong

"China: Through The Looking Glass" Costume Institute Benefit Gala

17.  Game of Thrones! But you are never getting the crown, bitches! #QueenOfPop

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18. Would she ever really date a man THAT old? Believe it or not, only ONE of them is 36. #gavegoodface

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19. That aint’ some sort of oil slick, it’s Solange destroying all the chickens in her path with her avant-garde eleganza. Sorry, but this is the Knowles sister who really slayed … and no elevator was required this year.

"China: Through The Looking Glass" Costume Institute Benefit Gala - Arrivals

20. Forget Mayweather & Pacquiao, the fight of the century is the battle of the sheer bejeweled vagina dresses! Jenna Jameson would be so proud of these two.

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That’s it. Now if only E! or Bravo or Logo would get it together and finally air this red carpet next year?! Sheesh! Don’t they know their audience?

The end. See y’all at H&M.

Florence_KimFlorence Welch showed up to the MET Gala in New York on Monday wearing the repurposed remains of Kim Kardashian’s infamous loveseat cover from last year’s Gala.

You see, nothing good could come from it.