fashion | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

Is Antoni’s season 2 bandana-palooza trying to tell us he’s a top, bottom, into bondage, water sports, reheating leftovers??? I’m so confused. #QueerEye

Regardless, I love him & this show.

serving Madonna lewks
Unbeknownst to them, pop princesses Julia Michaels and Grace VanderWaal both served music royalty realness in their iconic Madonna lewks at the Billboard Music Awards.

Fun fact: Julia was born a year after the release of Madge’s fifth studio album Erotica.

Even more fun fact: Grace was born after M’s ninth studio album Amercan Life.

Anna Kendrick, Lindsey Vonn, Sofia Carson

While the world burns to the ground because of our garbage President, what I’m really afraid of is that Anna Kendrick will retaliate against me.

Be best, A!

Before we go any further, let us remember that the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art is not your average red carpet event.

In my opinion, a Met Gala dress is a dress that is only appropriate for the Met Gala. You shouldn’t be able to wear it to any other black tie charity event, the Fastest & the Furiousest premiere or the Oscars! It is to be worn to the Metropolitan Museum of Art on the first Monday in May … and that’s it.

Avant-garde is highly encouraged. Leave that little black dress at home. If you’re safe or just giving plain old Hollywood glamour, Anna Wintour should make you Uber home and change.

This is the Hunger Games of fashion and we’re in the Capitol, baby. Effie Trinket is your stylist & your muse. Go ahead and be the Girl on Fire. If not, you’ll suffer a fate worse than death, being called boring.

With that being said, here our some MAYJAH lewks that I’m totally going to make light of …whether I liked them or not! 😜

1.Katy Perry went Gaga, but for once she actually got it right. First I can’t get her new song “Bon Appetit” out of my head and now I approve of Katheryn Hudson’s Real Housewives of Kabul couture. This is my new reality in Trump America, people!

 

2. Category is: Pharrell‘s wife first time in red Teletubby drags at the ball.

 

3.  Kylie Jenner arrives with her drag mother ‘Queen Ravenna’ Versace.

 

4. Lena Dunham wearing my sophomore year dorm comforter. Looks toasty though!

 

5. Solange knows air mattress is the new black.

 

6. Not even a Pepsi can save Kendall Jenner from this AVN Awards chic. She’s XXXtra.

 

7. If the theme was 1969 Oscars, then Jennifer Lopez nailed it! But seriously loved that she covered up knowing most would be airing out their vadges up and down Fifth Ave. #WhenTheyGoLowYouGoWrapped

 

8. Spoiler Alert! King Joffrey’s long lost twin sisters have surfaced. The Olsen Twins are representing Full House Baratheon. #GoT

 

9. GOOP Style Tip: If you can’t find anything to wear to the Met Gala, just repurpose one of your old ’90s Oscar gowns! #GwynethPaltrow

 

10. Alert Ryan Murphy! There will not be a Feud: Courtney vs. Frances Bean.

 

11. Come through Celine Dion with this Lady Liberty meets ’80s Cher moment!

 

12. Call Homeland security, someone TP’d Claire Danes!

 

13. No one cares, boo. #KimWhatsHerName

 

14. When your dramatic fashion moment gets derailed by a beige “red carpet” … #TrenchCoatMafia #PriyankaChopra 

 

15. Bella Hadid, 20, is serving pussy-catsuit. Parental guidance is suggested, so luckily her mom, RHOBH‘s Yolanda Hadid, was there too.

 

16. Speaking of Effie Trinket, Elizabeth Banks is gorgeous … Gigi Gorgeous!

 

17. Madonna is dressed for battle because of all the attacks she is sure to get in the press. #TheresOnlyOneQueenBitchesAndSheCanWearWhateverSheWants

 

18. You guys, haven’t the Kennedy‘s suffered enough! Sweet Caroline, good times never seemed so good…

 

19. Rihanna won the Met Gala … and a VIP membership to Jo-Ann Fabrics!

 

20. And finally …  SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is back next week after a three month sabbatical of silence, meditation and home drinking. 🍷 😴 🍷

We’ve got a new lewk & new surprises, but still the same old reads & shade. Season 3 is serving all the latest loud & proud pop culture noize that your weave can handle!

New episode coming next week…but until then binge & purge the first two seasons on iTunes! Come thru podcast kweens and listen, like & share!

 Things Learned From Watching the 2017 Grammys

  1. Beyonce can get her mother, sister and daughter screen time, but still doesn’t have the power to get Michelle Williams‘ shift covered at P.F. Changs so she can make a cameo at the Staples Center. Rude! #PoorMichelle

2. By the way Beyonce is flaunting her second pregnancy, it’s obvious we still don’t know who carried her first one. #TheTruthIsOutThere

3. The only person who hasn’t tired of hearing “Hello” is Adele. True story!

4. Keith Urban will be amazing in The Betsy DeVos Story.

5. The highest level in Scientology is OT: Shady ’80s Vegas Lounge Act. Save us, Leah Remini!

6. Immediately following their Bee Gees tribute, Little Big Town performed at your cousin’s wedding in Encino. And they took requests!

7. The imaginary Quentin Tarantino film that Dwight Yoakham & Jason Derulo are living in is going to be amazing.

8. Apologies to Chance the Rapper, but it will always be too soon to bring back Cosby sweaters!

And now a few more silly words on some petty shit. Enjoy!

Beyonce – Narcissistic? Yes. Self-indulgent? Of course. Over the top? Clearly. But c’mon, who doesn’t L-U-V a pop queen on her throne? Now, against your better judgement, yell “slay.”

Adele doesn’t need to dance. Adele doesn’t need backup dancers. Adele doesn’t need elaborate stage shows. Adele doesn’t need to parade her body in a unitard. Adele has a voice. Adele has unparralled talent. Adele can stop and restart her performance on live television and you will love it and cheer and, against your better judgement, yell “slay.” These are not alternative facts!

 

Lady Gaga & Metallica – The Super Bowl was 7 days ago. The Super Bowl is now a memory. The Super Bowl never happened. Now if, against your better judgement, you yelled “slay,” that’s on you.

Katy Perry – ALWAYS. GETS. IT. WRONG.  So Becky may finally be WOKE, but the gurl cannot find a decent outfit if her rights depended on it. She ought to shave her head, as it would be her best lewk yet!  On the positive side, at least NO ONE yelled “slay.”

Jennifer Lopez – She’s been slaying destroying the red carpet since that infamous Versace number, but it’s J.Lo’s stick straight synthetic hair extensions that feel leftover from 2000.  It’s time to leave this overdone trend on the floor! Sorry, mija.

Demi Lovato – Serving KARDASHIAN on the carpet & ’70s SARKISIAN (as in CHER-ilyn) on stage. Guess she’s done being cool … for the summer.

Maren Morris – Winner of best country something or other. What I want to know is: Will she accept this rose? #SheLooksLikeSomeoneOnTheBachelor

Tim McGraw & Faith Hill – They are both turning 50 in a few months. Is country don’t crack a thing?

 

CeeLo – Can someone please Uber Gaga’s 2011 egg and send him home?

Bruno Mars –  Definitely enjoyed it, but there was just one thing missing from his Prince tribute — Wendy & Lisa! 

Rihanna – You don’t need an award, when you’re the coolest chic in the room. Go ahead and say it. I know you want to. “____!”

HalseyAlls I see is a mashup of early Pink, JLo’s Versace thirst and TLC “Creep.” Next!

Paris Hilton Jackson -The resemblance is uncanny. She has her father’s … last name.

A Tribe Called Quest – The one thing I won’t #resist … using “President Agent Orange!” Pass the Courvoisier, Busta!

And finally, if you haven’t heard the latest episode of my weekly pop culture podcast SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC, just click below.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/screaming-into-traffic/id1052412883?mt=2

Rihanna_GwynethPaltrow_TheJohnnyLopez

RiRi‘s outfit at the Black Girls Rock gala this weekend was Goop approved.

She’s our winner of this year’s “Snatch Game” on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Gaga_Hatchet

Fresh off her David Bowie SNL sketch at the Grammys, Lady Gaga once again used her on stage theatrics, but this time it was to give tribute to Hatchet Face from John Waters’ 1990 cult hit Cry-Baby. Mum mum mum mah.

Watch the Golden Globe winner do her best walk walk fashion baby at the Marc Jacobs Fall 2016 runway show below.

Suzanne

Former ’70s sex symbol Suzanne Somers knows she can bring home the bacon and do the dishes, as she fearlessly gawked for the cameras in chic household cleaning gloves at a Grammy event this weekend.

The 69-year-old is soaking in it, Madge!

Katy_Mischa

Orange County? New Jersey? Minneapolis-St.Paul?!

For some unknown reason, basic pop star Katy Perry, 30, and former actress Mischa Barton both showed up to separate events on opposite coasts this week decked out like they were at a cattle call for the latest installment of the popular Bravo franchise Andy Cohen’s Drag Race.

Looking like Kyle Richards at the CMAs, Katy got it all wrong yet again by rockin’ a blown out ’60s First Lady weave, chandelier earrings from Teresa Giudice‘s estate auction and a black low-cut Moschino prom dress for the premiere of Jeremy Scott: The People’s Designer in Hollywood.

Meanwhile, Mischa, 52, came out of retirement to do her best Krystle Carrington impersonation in an ’80s Aqua Net™ bouffant ‘do and a red matronly gown from the Vicki Gunvalson collection – available exclusively at the Brea Mall –  for a Toronto Film Festival related event.

This definitely calls for flipping tables, weave pulling and wine fights.

Caitlyn_Pretty
Here’s 65-year-old Caitlyn Jenner, one day after giving that powerful speech at the ESPY Awards, in a chic wrap dress and statement hat at the Del Mar Racetrack Opening Day celebration in San Diego on Thursday – and Julia Roberts as Vivian Ward in the polo match scene from everyone’s favorite 1990 hooker romcom Pretty Woman.

Welcome to Hollywood. What’s your dream?