face | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

QUEENS
Oh wait, it’s actually just (top row, left to right) 35-year-old Real Housewives of Orange County newbie Lizzie RovsekBasketball Wives LA HBIC Jackie Christie, 45, someone named Carly Robyn Green, age unknown, pink weaved Bad Girls Club alum Natalie Nunn, 30, (bottom row, left to right) struggling dancer/singer/actress Porscha Coleman, 29, ex-Pussycat Dolls member Melody Thornton, 30, Teen Mom turned sex tape disaster Farrah Abraham, 41 23, and buxom former child bride sensation Courtney Stodden, 20, servin’ fish at the listening party for Jason Derulo‘s new album Everything Is 4 in Hollywood on Wednesday.

They are giving you charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent realness!

Moral of this story: Never judge a synthetic weave and beat face for the GAWDS by its cover.

Kylie Jenner, Ambassador For NIP+FAB - Photocall And Q&A
She may just be a growing 17-year-old girl, but Kylie Jenner did her best to appear like an adult glamazon by donning fake tracks from her Kylie Hair Kouture weave line, long false eyelashes, loads of face bronzer, deep red paint on her curiously plump lips, makeup conturing to accentuate her underage breasts, a completely age-appropriate exposed black bra, elegant sheer top and a set of fake acrylic coke nails left over from mommie dearest Kris Jenner‘s days at Spago Hollywood in the ’80s … to attend a daytime event for some lotion while unchaperoned in London over the weekend.

Kylie is such a good role model … for contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Lil Kim
The original Queen Bee Lil’ Kim debuted her new insane look — and Rite Aid weave — at a party for something called Galore magazine’s music issue at 1OAK in West Hollywood on Friday.

The startled 40-year-old rap goddess did her best to attempt a facial expression upon catching a glimpse of her latest concoction in the club’s mirror.

After enduring public battles with the likes of Foxy Brown, Nicki Minaj and the law, it now seems Kimberly Denise Jones’ biggest feud is with her hair and makeup team.

She wasn’t kidding when she sang: “I’ve been a lot of places, seen a lot of faces, Ah hell I even f*ck with different races.” – How Many Licks
Lil Kim faces

Renee Zellweger's face

Where were you when Renée Zellweger – or rather her face – blew up the Interwebs?!

Maybe congratulations are in order, because with Ebola panic, Isis threats and Wyoming becoming the 32nd state to legalize marriage equality (that’s right, f*ckin’ WYOMING!), we all chose the peculiar happenings with the bone structure of a 45-year-old actress who hasn’t made a movie in nearly five years hog up our news feeds and headlines exactly two weeks before the ever-important midterm elections. And they say it’s hard to get noticed in Hollywood after 40!

Maybe it’s not so much what she’s had done as to what has she stopped doing? Yes, she looked different from her ‘old’ self, but in my opinion she looked as pretty as usual and more natural (just look at them brows) than she has in years.  Her forehead moved and we could finally get a good look at those gorgeous baby blues! RIP to all the squinty eye, chipmunk cheeks and sour lemon facial grin jokes and memes.

Maybe we’ve become so accustomed to the cryogenically petrified veneers of the “Real” Housewives or the fine Italian marble coatings of legitimate A-listers like  Madonna and Nicole Kidman, that it’s become inconceivable to believe that a famous female would willfully stop injecting battery acid & plutonium into their brow line.

Renee Zellweger now and then

At the Elle Magazine event last night (left) and at the Bee premiere on Oct 28, 2007 (right)

Maybe she did have work done. Fantastic. If so, she needs to give her doctor’s number to the legions of sentient comedy and tragedy masks currently populating red carpets – and Bravo programming – around the world, because looking like a Madame Tussauds exhibit isn’t ideal nor does it translate to younger or better.

Maybe she’s just really happy. For whatever reason she took a few years off from Hollywood and all its bullshit machinations (can you even imagine being an actress in this biz with all the scrutiny and silly posts getting written about you all day?!) and found love with musician Doyle Bramhall II.

And maybe that is just enough to change you.

Renee and Doyle

Teri Hatcher

The 49-year-old goes through the gamut of emotions

Teri Hatcher gave a master class in acting – without the use of any lines – as she attempted to show the various emotions accessible to an actress of her caliber while on the red carpet at the 20th Annual Fulfillment Fund Stars Benefit Gala on Tuesday.

The former Desperate Housewives star is one of the biggest working stiffs in the business.

She’s showing all the up-and-coming girls how to serve FACE!

Donald_Mickey Here’s L.A. Clippers’ banned billionaire bigot owner (for now) Donald Sterling, 80, at an NBA game recently (left) — and what geologists believe is Oscar nominated actor Mickey Rourke, 61,  at the Generation Iron premiere in Hollywood last September (right).

Neither was able to save face.

Bruce_face
Here’s hunky Bruce Jenner a little while after winning a gold medal for Decathlon at the 1976 Olympics — and the perky 64-year-old father of six  (and step-father of four) showing off his freshly blown out Lucille Bluth/Jessica Walter ombré shag  in Los Angeles on Monday.

Only his hairdresser knows for sure.

Scott_Wolf
Former “Party of Five” star Scott Wolf has not aged since the ’90s.

Everyone remembers him as Bailey Salinger back on the FOX hit show (left) — but the 45-year-old baby face hunk showed up to the premiere of the new Disney film “Frozen” last night looking virtually the same (right). Not bad for a guy whose wife — Kelly from “Real World: New Orleans” —  is expecting their third child.

A good black leather jacket can work wonders.

RAQUEL_73Hollywood icon Raquel Welch left the Governors Awards in total ruin after destroying the red carpet with her super powers of age-defying beauty and genetically superior sexiness this weekend.

It is hard to believe the Bolivian-American knockout was born in 1940.

Fun fact: nylon stockings, paint rollers, Disney’s Fantasia and Chuck Norris were also created in 1940.

Pete_smooth
Fall Out Boy hunk Pete Wentz is lookin’ real smoooooth these days.

The 34-year-old hipster dad cleaned up nicely and showed off his flawless skin at the 2013 TeenNick HALO Awards in Hollywood this weekend.

FOB took a break for about four years, but now Pete and the band are back with a refreshed  and more polished look.