Drag Queens | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez


Second only to the Snatch Game, the annual reading challenge is usually the funniest segment of each season. Usually.

But with no one matching the wit and timimg of Bob the Drag Queen, Alaska or Bianca Del Rio, the season 9 kweens were less comedy and more tragedy.

While Valentina was awarded the reading challenge and Peppermint took the roast of Michelle Visage, in my book, Sasha Velour had the best overall lines.  “Valentina is a queen that combines all the excitement of smiling with the thrill of just standing there.” TRUTH!

 

Three things I loved this week: 1. Nina Bo’Nina‘s elderly drag. “And what’s your name baby?” (to guest judge Fortune Feimster). DEAD! 2. Tamar Braxton looking gorge and serving shade.com. Shantay you stay, gur!  3. Michelle telling the kweens they should have gone balls to the walls in roasting her, because it’s a, um, ROAST! She’s “so Jersey” and you bettah not fugheddabout it!

Three things I hated this week: 1. Farrah Moan‘s alabaster face beat. Apparently, she can only throw shade …on her cheeks!  2. Alexis Michelle getting pissy about weight jokes, yet mock’s Shea’s teeth. Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle FAT?!  3. Just as I’m starting to like Trinity Taylor she crashes and burns with her unfunny hillbilly routine. Shame on me, y’all!

So after two weeks off, here is this week’s Snatch Game wannabe celeb dopplegangers.

1. Shea Culee did it on ’em! #NickiMinaj

Pound the alarm, Shea is about to snatch the whole damn thing!

 

2. Alexis Michelle has been acting like a Gremlin lately!

Do not body shame …or feed her after midnight!!!

 

3. Peppermint is every woman! #ChakaKhan

I feel for you, Peppermint! I think I love you.

 

4. Valentina is a SHORE thing! #Snooki

She knows there’s a fine line between chola and guidette. Gym. Tan. Lip sync.

 

5. Nina Bo’ Nina Brown is part of your Mama’s Family!

Some say her shtick is getting old, but I think it’s still funny.

 

6. Trinity Taylor has gone MAD … magazine!

What, she worry? #AlfredENeuman

 

7. Sasha Velour is so Cruel-lla.

She was very, very Close this week.

 

8. Farrah Moan —  Lord have mercy for serving late televangelist Jan Crouch realness.

Sashay away – & rest in peace – knowing your face was beat for the gawds.

 

For more pop culture recaps, reads & shade, makes sure you download the season 3 premiere of SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC! We’re talking Drag Race, Fire Island, White Party & reminiscing about West Hollywood’s glory days with the one & only Billy Francesca!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/screaming-into-traffic/id1052412883?mt=2

 

 

EPISODE 5 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

EPISODE 4 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

 

EPISODE 3 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

EPISODE 2 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

 

EPISODE 1 CELEBRITY SIDE-BY-SIDES

The biggest challenge on RuPaul’s Drag Race this year is finding two kweens who can adequately lip sych. Did they not DVR the last eight 7 seasons (thou shalt not include that Violet Chachki debacle)?!

With this week’s daytime TV challenge – and work room dramz – eating up time, we got a blink and you’ll miss it naughty nighty runway.  Wait, was that Aja? Alexis Michelle, where you at?! Valentina, I think I see you.

Three things I loved this week: 1. Nina Bo’ Nina Brown Osama Bin Laden Rodham Clinton Newton John & Eureka‘s ramen weave and ham implants lewks for less segment. “Beef flavor? It’s chicken, bitch!” DEAD! 2. Charlie Hides‘ emotional account of surviving the AIDS crisis.  Chilrins, we must never forget!  3. The kween/PA/whoever yelling: “Come on Charlie! Do something, Charlie!” during Charlie’s rigor mortis lip sync of Britney‘s “I Wanna Go.” OBSESSED! I’ve watched it like 10 times. Sashay away, Chuckie baby!

Three things I hated this week: 1. The stunted runway. I need to see the LEWKS! 2. Nina Bo’Nina weirdly edited crying fit on the runway. Huh? What did I miss? Get it together mama. You are the fiercest beyatch in this house! 3. Trinity Taylor‘s fabulous  high energy Tawny Kitaen/ Whitesnake (Google her, kids) performance. I hated it because it forced me to like TT! Damn you, RPDR! Shante you stay, Trin … for now.

Now to the #SnatchGame wannabe matter at hand: the week 4 side-by-sides. Enjoy!

 

1. Nina Bo’Nina Brown doesn’t need no hateration, holleration in this dancery!

What’s the 4-1-1, Miss Nina?!

 

2. Trinity Taylor  — I’m a lawyer!

She better plead the fifth for this Gloria Allred realness.

 

3. Things are looking Rosie for Aja.

Category is: Boricuas from Brooklyn first time in drags at the ball.

 

4. Turns out, Charlie Hides is very catty.

Drag Race or not, Charlie gets a lot of work. Jocelyne Wildenstein is my spirit animal.

 

5. Valentina is living … Lohan.

Don’t get banged up, V. Call an uber!

 

6. Eureka – You’re terrible, Muriel!

She’s always the bridesmaid …

 

7. Cynthia Lee Fontaine is a real mutha.

But can we make Keepin’ Up with the KuKu a real thing?!

 

8. Sasha Velour goes Deeper & Deeper.

She and Shea may have won this week, but there’s only one queen & that’s Madonna.

 

9. Shea Culee is Robin & stealing from the other gals.

Shea should host GM Heeey!

 

10. Peppermint is in the spot tonight!

Pepper knows there ain’t nothing wrong with being a Mary.

 

11. Farrah Moan is still in the running to be America’s Next Top Model Drag Superstar.

But let’s hope she fares better than Rita Ora. #fired

 

12. Alexis Michelle is a Real Housewife of Melbourne?

Looks like drag is really big Down Under! #GinaLiano

 

Extra special mention:

Charlie Hides was sent home, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a 50something queen who lip syncs.

Now get all the feels with this week’s UNTUCKED below:

EPISODE 3 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 2 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 1 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

It’s time to play everyone’s favorite game — Who was born a biological woman?!

Hitting up a Paper Magazine party in NYC on Wednesday were Katy Perry lookalike Phi Phi O’Hara, Wynonna Judd’s skinny doppleganger Neon Hitch, “Designing Women” clone Jiggly Caliente, Corey Feldman twin DJ Skrillex, heroin chic Cubana Sophia Lamar, manhandled Justin Vivian Bond, Bernadette Peters stand-in Pandora Boxx and Daisy Fuentes’ long lost sister Carmen Carrera.

And the one born sans Adam’s apple is … #2, 26-year-old “Fuck You Betta” singer Neon Hitch.

Man, they’re good.