TV | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

The biggest challenge on RuPaul’s Drag Race this year is finding two kweens who can adequately lip sych. Did they not DVR the last eight 7 seasons (thou shalt not include that Violet Chachki debacle)?!

With this week’s daytime TV challenge – and work room dramz – eating up time, we got a blink and you’ll miss it naughty nighty runway.  Wait, was that Aja? Alexis Michelle, where you at?! Valentina, I think I see you.

Three things I loved this week: 1. Nina Bo’ Nina Brown Osama Bin Laden Rodham Clinton Newton John & Eureka‘s ramen weave and ham implants lewks for less segment. “Beef flavor? It’s chicken, bitch!” DEAD! 2. Charlie Hides‘ emotional account of surviving the AIDS crisis.  Chilrins, we must never forget!  3. The kween/PA/whoever yelling: “Come on Charlie! Do something, Charlie!” during Charlie’s rigor mortis lip sync of Britney‘s “I Wanna Go.” OBSESSED! I’ve watched it like 10 times. Sashay away, Chuckie baby!

Three things I hated this week: 1. The stunted runway. I need to see the LEWKS! 2. Nina Bo’Nina weirdly edited crying fit on the runway. Huh? What did I miss? Get it together mama. You are the fiercest beyatch in this house! 3. Trinity Taylor‘s fabulous  high energy Tawny Kitaen/ Whitesnake (Google her, kids) performance. I hated it because it forced me to like TT! Damn you, RPDR! Shante you stay, Trin … for now.

Now to the #SnatchGame wannabe matter at hand: the week 4 side-by-sides. Enjoy!

 

1. Nina Bo’Nina Brown doesn’t need no hateration, holleration in this dancery!

What’s the 4-1-1, Miss Nina?!

 

2. Trinity Taylor  — I’m a lawyer!

She better plead the fifth for this Gloria Allred realness.

 

3. Things are looking Rosie for Aja.

Category is: Boricuas from Brooklyn first time in drags at the ball.

 

4. Turns out, Charlie Hides is very catty.

Drag Race or not, Charlie gets a lot of work. Jocelyne Wildenstein is my spirit animal.

 

5. Valentina is living … Lohan.

Don’t get banged up, V. Call an uber!

 

6. Eureka – You’re terrible, Muriel!

She’s always the bridesmaid …

 

7. Cynthia Lee Fontaine is a real mutha.

But can we make Keepin’ Up with the KuKu a real thing?!

 

8. Sasha Velour goes Deeper & Deeper.

She and Shea may have won this week, but there’s only one queen & that’s Madonna.

 

9. Shea Culee is Robin & stealing from the other gals.

Shea should host GM Heeey!

 

10. Peppermint is in the spot tonight!

Pepper knows there ain’t nothing wrong with being a Mary.

 

11. Farrah Moan is still in the running to be America’s Next Top Model Drag Superstar.

But let’s hope she fares better than Rita Ora. #fired

 

12. Alexis Michelle is a Real Housewife of Melbourne?

Looks like drag is really big Down Under! #GinaLiano

 

Extra special mention:

Charlie Hides was sent home, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a 50something queen who lip syncs.

Now get all the feels with this week’s UNTUCKED below:

EPISODE 3 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 2 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 1 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

This week RuPaul’s Drag Race was all about the fairy tales.

And while some of the kweens got dragged for their princess lewks, (ahem, Farrah Moan, Aja, Kimora Blac) I think they all failed with that whole come up with an interesting sidekick thing. Well, minus Nina Bo’ Nina Brown, who continues to be fierce AF!

Three things I loved this week:  1. Cynthia Lee Fontaine‘s “cucu” explanation. Culo. Caca. Cucu! By the way, still not sick of it. 2. Alexis Michelle reading the Instagram children for their over-reliance on Facetune. Preach! I’ll say it again, If I can tell you used Facetune, you failed! 3. And, on a serious note, managing to touch on the Pulse tragedy. 🙏🏽

 

 

Three things I hated this week: 1. Kimora Blac‘s “adjective” failure. (How about idiot & irritating?)  2. Kimora Blac’s zombie Sheena of the Jungle lewk. 3.  Kimora Blac’s lip sync. (Here are some more adjectives: lazy, sad, awful). Sashay away, lady.

Congrats to Aja. She hasn’t won me over, but she did own that performance. Disastah it was not. I’m still holding out for a hero, but Bonnie Tyler would be proud.

And while we are getting closer and closer to Snatch Game, here are the week 3 side-by-sides. This week was the toughest yet. Enjoy!

1.Trinity Taylor has jumped the (left) shark!

She won this week and proved she really is fishy.

 

2. Shea Culee is werking her magic.

Hocus pocus, she could win it all!

 

3. Charlie Hides was Absolutely Fabulous, finally.

But she is a sweetie, darling!

 

4. Eurkea is a screen legend.

Just like Cleopatra, she wants that crown.

 

5. Valentina doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10K.

V is for Vogue!

Yeah, I know Cheyenne Jackson referenced Linda Evangelista, but it’s what I was thinking too. I swear.

 

6. Peppermint is out of this galaxy.

Beam her up, Ru!

 

7. Cynthia Lee Fontaine is a Holly Golightly.

Breakfast at Cucu’s, anyone?

 

8. Aja‘s hair and makeup is scary funny.

Bride of Frankenstein be damned, being compared to Carol Burnett is always a compliment.

 

9. Live with Farrah Moan?

Kelly Ripa, shante you stay.

 

10. Nina Bo’Nina Brown is keeping up with the Jones.

She’s showing some amazing Grace.

 

11. Alexis Michelle is a plain Jayne.

Jayne Meadows realness, kids.

 

12. Sasha Velour, you little devil, you.

She’s bringing the Community together with this getup. #JimRash

 

13. Kimora Blac is Tonto.

Since tonto in Spanish means dumb, she nailed it. Bye gurl, bye!

But if you want to get some feels for Kimora, check out this week’s UNTUCKED below.

Episode 2 side-by-sides:

Premiere Episode side-by-sides:

This week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race revealed the return of Cynthia Lee Fontaine and her infamous “cucu” as the 14th contestant. #TeamCuCu

While I’m glad CLF is doing much better following her liver cancer diagnosis, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was secretly rooting for Ru & crew to throw first season viewers a bone with the return of Nina Flowers!

Three things I loved about this episode: RuPaul back in drag (we can all exhale now, henny), Michelle Visage looking more sickening than evah (supamodel of the world!), and hearing the word “cucu” cackled across my TV 30 times in 60 minutes. For some reason I don’t tire of it …yet!

Three things I hated about this episode: Lisa Kudrow‘s three second appearance. Bring back Valerie Cherish as a judge. We all need to see that! One of the kweens (Trinity? Shea? can’t remember) telling Cynthia “it’s crazy that you could die at any moment.” Gee, thanks for that!  And lastly, the worst lip sync in drag herstory. With the B-52’s watching in dismay, both ladies were tin roof BUSTED. Regardless, I still think Jaymes was the true winner of that debacle. Kimora Blac’s attitude needs to sashay away. Plus I lived for Jaymes’ cheerleading roll. #JusticeForJaymesMansfield

 

And since I can’t stop my side-by-side addiction, here are the kweens and their episode 2 lookalikes. #HowManyWeeksUntilSnatchGame

1. Cynthia Lee Fontaine … Is Villainous?

Ok, she may really by a sweetheart, but her cucu was totally giving off Ursa from Superman II vibes.

 

2. Aja really is fashion!

The Brooklyn kween is giving Maya Rudolph, Gina Gershon & Penelope Cruz a run for their biopic money, dahling!

 

3. Speaking of Penny, Valentina may just CRUZ to the finish line.

For your consideration … V is gorgeous in any language.

 

4. Shea Culee is a proud Mary!

Don’t tell Ike, but Shea has a hit on her hands with that classic early ’70s Tina Turner wig. Rollin’!

 

5. Eurkea is a doll!

With apologies to Katya & Trump’s Kremlin Klan, but this week Eureka is the only Russian plaything we want.

 

6. Alexis Michelle has us tickled P!nk!

Fierce, but she better get this party started if she wants to last in the game.

 

7. Farrah Moan goes full Xtina on us.

Despite being a Vegas gal, Farrah still needs to show me how you Burlesque.

 

8. Nina Bo’Nina Brown Is a Babe.

Nina doesn’t need a Baywatch lifeguard, cuz she already got her flotation devices on lock. Also, Traci Bingham — ‘memba her?

 

9. Trinity Taylor is Robyn the competition

But will she wind up dancing on her own off the stage?

 

10. Peppermint is so beyond …Thunderdome.

We don’t need another hero, P.

 

11. Sasha Velour, supermodel of the world!

When you rock a lewk as good as iconic 85-year-old supermodel Carmen Dell’Orefice, then shante you stay as long as you want. Yes, ma’am!

 

12. Charlie Hides is having Nun of this!

Put your paws down, Sister. Gaga was last week!

 

13. Jaymes Mansfield wasn’t made-for-TV.

She can now join Loni Anderson in the failed Mansfield wannabes club.

 

14. Kimora Blac some way, somehow lives to see another day. Next!

 

She Done Already Done Brought It On … so watch this week’s UNTUCKED below.

 

ICYMI: ‘RPDR’ SEASON PREMIERE RUCAP & CELEB SIDE-BY-SIDES

 Things Learned From Watching the 2017 Grammys

  1. Beyonce can get her mother, sister and daughter screen time, but still doesn’t have the power to get Michelle Williams‘ shift covered at P.F. Changs so she can make a cameo at the Staples Center. Rude! #PoorMichelle

2. By the way Beyonce is flaunting her second pregnancy, it’s obvious we still don’t know who carried her first one. #TheTruthIsOutThere

3. The only person who hasn’t tired of hearing “Hello” is Adele. True story!

4. Keith Urban will be amazing in The Betsy DeVos Story.

5. The highest level in Scientology is OT: Shady ’80s Vegas Lounge Act. Save us, Leah Remini!

6. Immediately following their Bee Gees tribute, Little Big Town performed at your cousin’s wedding in Encino. And they took requests!

7. The imaginary Quentin Tarantino film that Dwight Yoakham & Jason Derulo are living in is going to be amazing.

8. Apologies to Chance the Rapper, but it will always be too soon to bring back Cosby sweaters!

And now a few more silly words on some petty shit. Enjoy!

Beyonce – Narcissistic? Yes. Self-indulgent? Of course. Over the top? Clearly. But c’mon, who doesn’t L-U-V a pop queen on her throne? Now, against your better judgement, yell “slay.”

Adele doesn’t need to dance. Adele doesn’t need backup dancers. Adele doesn’t need elaborate stage shows. Adele doesn’t need to parade her body in a unitard. Adele has a voice. Adele has unparralled talent. Adele can stop and restart her performance on live television and you will love it and cheer and, against your better judgement, yell “slay.” These are not alternative facts!

 

Lady Gaga & Metallica – The Super Bowl was 7 days ago. The Super Bowl is now a memory. The Super Bowl never happened. Now if, against your better judgement, you yelled “slay,” that’s on you.

Katy Perry – ALWAYS. GETS. IT. WRONG.  So Becky may finally be WOKE, but the gurl cannot find a decent outfit if her rights depended on it. She ought to shave her head, as it would be her best lewk yet!  On the positive side, at least NO ONE yelled “slay.”

Jennifer Lopez – She’s been slaying destroying the red carpet since that infamous Versace number, but it’s J.Lo’s stick straight synthetic hair extensions that feel leftover from 2000.  It’s time to leave this overdone trend on the floor! Sorry, mija.

Demi Lovato – Serving KARDASHIAN on the carpet & ’70s SARKISIAN (as in CHER-ilyn) on stage. Guess she’s done being cool … for the summer.

Maren Morris – Winner of best country something or other. What I want to know is: Will she accept this rose? #SheLooksLikeSomeoneOnTheBachelor

Tim McGraw & Faith Hill – They are both turning 50 in a few months. Is country don’t crack a thing?

 

CeeLo – Can someone please Uber Gaga’s 2011 egg and send him home?

Bruno Mars –  Definitely enjoyed it, but there was just one thing missing from his Prince tribute — Wendy & Lisa! 

Rihanna – You don’t need an award, when you’re the coolest chic in the room. Go ahead and say it. I know you want to. “____!”

HalseyAlls I see is a mashup of early Pink, JLo’s Versace thirst and TLC “Creep.” Next!

Paris Hilton Jackson -The resemblance is uncanny. She has her father’s … last name.

A Tribe Called Quest – The one thing I won’t #resist … using “President Agent Orange!” Pass the Courvoisier, Busta!

And finally, if you haven’t heard the latest episode of my weekly pop culture podcast SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC, just click below.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/screaming-into-traffic/id1052412883?mt=2

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is all about Executive Disorders, Beyonce‘s twins, Winona Ryder‘s face melt, Mischa Barton‘s “return” and a dissection of The Bachelor. So stop fighting on FB with your third cousin once removed & listen to this rant!

Click here to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes. 

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thejohnnylopez/

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC enlists the help of Weho’s First Lady Michel Verdi Krymis to sound off on Madonna‘s amazing speech, Botox problems, the Trump & Kanye circus, LA LA Land, sexism, Walking Dead‘s Scientology crisis & the fashion power of Caitlyn Jenner. Now we may not be Russian … but we’re definitely hacks. So listen up!

Click here to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes. 

 

https://www.instagram.com/thejohnnylopez/

SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is back from a four week post-election Trumpcation & we’re getting into the deplorable swing of things by ranting bigly about Fidel’s death, Leah Remini‘s last stand, that Prince Charming finale, Moonlight and Brendan Fraser‘s huge new role. So stop reading fake news and listen to some real talk!

Click here to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes. 

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is joined by TV & nightlife producer Woody Woodbeck as we rant about Rupaul‘s Emmy, “Finding Prince Charming“s black tie problems, Lady Gaga‘s Illusion, American Horror Story‘s premiere, Naya Rivera & Tim Gunn‘s scalding hot tea & Kim Zolciak‘s new, um, look.

So if you like your pop culture raw, real & ridiculous …we got you, boo!

Click here to subscribe and leave a review on iTunes. 

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC bids a fond farewell to the LOOKING finale, bows down to Queen Michelle, crowns a new shirtless Jonas Bros. & watches the Cult of Britney‘s power slip away. So don’t boo, vote … and listen!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A REVIEW for  SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC