Faces | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

The biggest challenge on RuPaul’s Drag Race this year is finding two kweens who can adequately lip sych. Did they not DVR the last eight 7 seasons (thou shalt not include that Violet Chachki debacle)?!

With this week’s daytime TV challenge – and work room dramz – eating up time, we got a blink and you’ll miss it naughty nighty runway.  Wait, was that Aja? Alexis Michelle, where you at?! Valentina, I think I see you.

Three things I loved this week: 1. Nina Bo’ Nina Brown Osama Bin Laden Rodham Clinton Newton John & Eureka‘s ramen weave and ham implants lewks for less segment. “Beef flavor? It’s chicken, bitch!” DEAD! 2. Charlie Hides‘ emotional account of surviving the AIDS crisis.  Chilrins, we must never forget!  3. The kween/PA/whoever yelling: “Come on Charlie! Do something, Charlie!” during Charlie’s rigor mortis lip sync of Britney‘s “I Wanna Go.” OBSESSED! I’ve watched it like 10 times. Sashay away, Chuckie baby!

Three things I hated this week: 1. The stunted runway. I need to see the LEWKS! 2. Nina Bo’Nina weirdly edited crying fit on the runway. Huh? What did I miss? Get it together mama. You are the fiercest beyatch in this house! 3. Trinity Taylor‘s fabulous  high energy Tawny Kitaen/ Whitesnake (Google her, kids) performance. I hated it because it forced me to like TT! Damn you, RPDR! Shante you stay, Trin … for now.

Now to the #SnatchGame wannabe matter at hand: the week 4 side-by-sides. Enjoy!

 

1. Nina Bo’Nina Brown doesn’t need no hateration, holleration in this dancery!

What’s the 4-1-1, Miss Nina?!

 

2. Trinity Taylor  — I’m a lawyer!

She better plead the fifth for this Gloria Allred realness.

 

3. Things are looking Rosie for Aja.

Category is: Boricuas from Brooklyn first time in drags at the ball.

 

4. Turns out, Charlie Hides is very catty.

Drag Race or not, Charlie gets a lot of work. Jocelyne Wildenstein is my spirit animal.

 

5. Valentina is living … Lohan.

Don’t get banged up, V. Call an uber!

 

6. Eureka – You’re terrible, Muriel!

She’s always the bridesmaid …

 

7. Cynthia Lee Fontaine is a real mutha.

But can we make Keepin’ Up with the KuKu a real thing?!

 

8. Sasha Velour goes Deeper & Deeper.

She and Shea may have won this week, but there’s only one queen & that’s Madonna.

 

9. Shea Culee is Robin & stealing from the other gals.

Shea should host GM Heeey!

 

10. Peppermint is in the spot tonight!

Pepper knows there ain’t nothing wrong with being a Mary.

 

11. Farrah Moan is still in the running to be America’s Next Top Model Drag Superstar.

But let’s hope she fares better than Rita Ora. #fired

 

12. Alexis Michelle is a Real Housewife of Melbourne?

Looks like drag is really big Down Under! #GinaLiano

 

Extra special mention:

Charlie Hides was sent home, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a 50something queen who lip syncs.

Now get all the feels with this week’s UNTUCKED below:

EPISODE 3 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 2 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 1 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

This week RuPaul’s Drag Race was all about the fairy tales.

And while some of the kweens got dragged for their princess lewks, (ahem, Farrah Moan, Aja, Kimora Blac) I think they all failed with that whole come up with an interesting sidekick thing. Well, minus Nina Bo’ Nina Brown, who continues to be fierce AF!

Three things I loved this week:  1. Cynthia Lee Fontaine‘s “cucu” explanation. Culo. Caca. Cucu! By the way, still not sick of it. 2. Alexis Michelle reading the Instagram children for their over-reliance on Facetune. Preach! I’ll say it again, If I can tell you used Facetune, you failed! 3. And, on a serious note, managing to touch on the Pulse tragedy. 🙏🏽

 

 

Three things I hated this week: 1. Kimora Blac‘s “adjective” failure. (How about idiot & irritating?)  2. Kimora Blac’s zombie Sheena of the Jungle lewk. 3.  Kimora Blac’s lip sync. (Here are some more adjectives: lazy, sad, awful). Sashay away, lady.

Congrats to Aja. She hasn’t won me over, but she did own that performance. Disastah it was not. I’m still holding out for a hero, but Bonnie Tyler would be proud.

And while we are getting closer and closer to Snatch Game, here are the week 3 side-by-sides. This week was the toughest yet. Enjoy!

1.Trinity Taylor has jumped the (left) shark!

She won this week and proved she really is fishy.

 

2. Shea Culee is werking her magic.

Hocus pocus, she could win it all!

 

3. Charlie Hides was Absolutely Fabulous, finally.

But she is a sweetie, darling!

 

4. Eurkea is a screen legend.

Just like Cleopatra, she wants that crown.

 

5. Valentina doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10K.

V is for Vogue!

Yeah, I know Cheyenne Jackson referenced Linda Evangelista, but it’s what I was thinking too. I swear.

 

6. Peppermint is out of this galaxy.

Beam her up, Ru!

 

7. Cynthia Lee Fontaine is a Holly Golightly.

Breakfast at Cucu’s, anyone?

 

8. Aja‘s hair and makeup is scary funny.

Bride of Frankenstein be damned, being compared to Carol Burnett is always a compliment.

 

9. Live with Farrah Moan?

Kelly Ripa, shante you stay.

 

10. Nina Bo’Nina Brown is keeping up with the Jones.

She’s showing some amazing Grace.

 

11. Alexis Michelle is a plain Jayne.

Jayne Meadows realness, kids.

 

12. Sasha Velour, you little devil, you.

She’s bringing the Community together with this getup. #JimRash

 

13. Kimora Blac is Tonto.

Since tonto in Spanish means dumb, she nailed it. Bye gurl, bye!

But if you want to get some feels for Kimora, check out this week’s UNTUCKED below.

Episode 2 side-by-sides:

Premiere Episode side-by-sides:

This week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race revealed the return of Cynthia Lee Fontaine and her infamous “cucu” as the 14th contestant. #TeamCuCu

While I’m glad CLF is doing much better following her liver cancer diagnosis, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was secretly rooting for Ru & crew to throw first season viewers a bone with the return of Nina Flowers!

Three things I loved about this episode: RuPaul back in drag (we can all exhale now, henny), Michelle Visage looking more sickening than evah (supamodel of the world!), and hearing the word “cucu” cackled across my TV 30 times in 60 minutes. For some reason I don’t tire of it …yet!

Three things I hated about this episode: Lisa Kudrow‘s three second appearance. Bring back Valerie Cherish as a judge. We all need to see that! One of the kweens (Trinity? Shea? can’t remember) telling Cynthia “it’s crazy that you could die at any moment.” Gee, thanks for that!  And lastly, the worst lip sync in drag herstory. With the B-52’s watching in dismay, both ladies were tin roof BUSTED. Regardless, I still think Jaymes was the true winner of that debacle. Kimora Blac’s attitude needs to sashay away. Plus I lived for Jaymes’ cheerleading roll. #JusticeForJaymesMansfield

 

And since I can’t stop my side-by-side addiction, here are the kweens and their episode 2 lookalikes. #HowManyWeeksUntilSnatchGame

1. Cynthia Lee Fontaine … Is Villainous?

Ok, she may really by a sweetheart, but her cucu was totally giving off Ursa from Superman II vibes.

 

2. Aja really is fashion!

The Brooklyn kween is giving Maya Rudolph, Gina Gershon & Penelope Cruz a run for their biopic money, dahling!

 

3. Speaking of Penny, Valentina may just CRUZ to the finish line.

For your consideration … V is gorgeous in any language.

 

4. Shea Culee is a proud Mary!

Don’t tell Ike, but Shea has a hit on her hands with that classic early ’70s Tina Turner wig. Rollin’!

 

5. Eurkea is a doll!

With apologies to Katya & Trump’s Kremlin Klan, but this week Eureka is the only Russian plaything we want.

 

6. Alexis Michelle has us tickled P!nk!

Fierce, but she better get this party started if she wants to last in the game.

 

7. Farrah Moan goes full Xtina on us.

Despite being a Vegas gal, Farrah still needs to show me how you Burlesque.

 

8. Nina Bo’Nina Brown Is a Babe.

Nina doesn’t need a Baywatch lifeguard, cuz she already got her flotation devices on lock. Also, Traci Bingham — ‘memba her?

 

9. Trinity Taylor is Robyn the competition

But will she wind up dancing on her own off the stage?

 

10. Peppermint is so beyond …Thunderdome.

We don’t need another hero, P.

 

11. Sasha Velour, supermodel of the world!

When you rock a lewk as good as iconic 85-year-old supermodel Carmen Dell’Orefice, then shante you stay as long as you want. Yes, ma’am!

 

12. Charlie Hides is having Nun of this!

Put your paws down, Sister. Gaga was last week!

 

13. Jaymes Mansfield wasn’t made-for-TV.

She can now join Loni Anderson in the failed Mansfield wannabes club.

 

14. Kimora Blac some way, somehow lives to see another day. Next!

 

She Done Already Done Brought It On … so watch this week’s UNTUCKED below.

 

ICYMI: ‘RPDR’ SEASON PREMIERE RUCAP & CELEB SIDE-BY-SIDES

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is geeking out like an ’80s nerd for Netflix’s Stranger Things. We’re also unmasking our body dysmorphia, reveling as Melania lip syncs for the GOP’s life & calling Ghostbusters for scaring away the gay. So make like Penelope in Blow and let’s have some f***ing fun!
(photo credit: @BrettSaariPhotography)

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC is lightening the mood with caftans, Fire Island drag queens, Pokemon madness, Lady Ghostbusters & sending off Chewbacca Mom & Caitlyn on the backlash bus. So pop open the rosé, throw on a muumuu and act a fool with us. Cheers!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A REVIEW for  “SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC”

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Sorry, I ain’t sorry.

Luckily, it’s just for a movie … and I still would.

#MyHusband

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It was the night after the Grammys 1997 and the record label in New York I was working at was throwing a party for The Artist‘s – as he was referred to in the office at the time – latest album Emancipation going double platinum.

Myself and the entire publicity staff were working the door at LIFE on Bleecker Street, checking off names on the list, stamping people’s hands as they came through. We were all running on about 3 hours sleep after working the Grammy party the night before and then clocking a full day at the office. But I was high with anticipation & remember the exact moment I laid my human eyes on all 5’2″ of him.

I completely froze. Star sightings in NY or LA are one thing, but ICONS are whole other story. “Holy fucking shit it’s PRINCE,” I screamed silently in my head as he stood no more than five feet away. A mash up of videos for “When Doves Cry,” “1999” & “I Wanna Be Your Lover” (my personal faves) simultaneously rushed through my head as I suddenly became that insecure 12-year-old fanboy standing in line at the Midway Theater in Forest Hills the day Purple Rain came out back in 1984.

Luckily, one of my coherent co-workers opened the velvet rope. He sauntered up, gave half a smile & locked eyes with me for what seemed like forever. For a split second I was Vanity, Apollonia, Wendy &, yes, Lisa. And the water was warm enough!

As is usually the case, it was over before it even started. He and his platform boots were quickly whisked down the stairs to hold court inside the club’s VIP room. And I was abruptly brought out of my purple haze by the sight of Marilyn Manson & Joan Osborne – remember it’s 1997 – holding out their wrists asking to be stamped. But all was good with the world, because I was officially Delirious.

#RIP #TheArtistForeverKnownAsPrince #Prince

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Crazy that they were all born the same year & even more insane that two have left us.

In 1984, the soundtrack to this 13-year-old’s life (like so many of my generation) was “Purple Rain,” “Thriller,” and “Madonna.”

They were, are & forever will be The Trinity. Now can someone please PLEASE put Madonna in a padded glass box??!!

#ICONS #RIP #Prince #MichaelJackson #LongLiveTheQueen #Madonna #TheTrinity

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Sometimes it snows in April.