Body | J.LO | The Johnny Lopez

The biggest challenge on RuPaul’s Drag Race this year is finding two kweens who can adequately lip sych. Did they not DVR the last eight 7 seasons (thou shalt not include that Violet Chachki debacle)?!

With this week’s daytime TV challenge – and work room dramz – eating up time, we got a blink and you’ll miss it naughty nighty runway.  Wait, was that Aja? Alexis Michelle, where you at?! Valentina, I think I see you.

Three things I loved this week: 1. Nina Bo’ Nina Brown Osama Bin Laden Rodham Clinton Newton John & Eureka‘s ramen weave and ham implants lewks for less segment. “Beef flavor? It’s chicken, bitch!” DEAD! 2. Charlie Hides‘ emotional account of surviving the AIDS crisis.  Chilrins, we must never forget!  3. The kween/PA/whoever yelling: “Come on Charlie! Do something, Charlie!” during Charlie’s rigor mortis lip sync of Britney‘s “I Wanna Go.” OBSESSED! I’ve watched it like 10 times. Sashay away, Chuckie baby!

Three things I hated this week: 1. The stunted runway. I need to see the LEWKS! 2. Nina Bo’Nina weirdly edited crying fit on the runway. Huh? What did I miss? Get it together mama. You are the fiercest beyatch in this house! 3. Trinity Taylor‘s fabulous  high energy Tawny Kitaen/ Whitesnake (Google her, kids) performance. I hated it because it forced me to like TT! Damn you, RPDR! Shante you stay, Trin … for now.

Now to the #SnatchGame wannabe matter at hand: the week 4 side-by-sides. Enjoy!

 

1. Nina Bo’Nina Brown doesn’t need no hateration, holleration in this dancery!

What’s the 4-1-1, Miss Nina?!

 

2. Trinity Taylor  — I’m a lawyer!

She better plead the fifth for this Gloria Allred realness.

 

3. Things are looking Rosie for Aja.

Category is: Boricuas from Brooklyn first time in drags at the ball.

 

4. Turns out, Charlie Hides is very catty.

Drag Race or not, Charlie gets a lot of work. Jocelyne Wildenstein is my spirit animal.

 

5. Valentina is living … Lohan.

Don’t get banged up, V. Call an uber!

 

6. Eureka – You’re terrible, Muriel!

She’s always the bridesmaid …

 

7. Cynthia Lee Fontaine is a real mutha.

But can we make Keepin’ Up with the KuKu a real thing?!

 

8. Sasha Velour goes Deeper & Deeper.

She and Shea may have won this week, but there’s only one queen & that’s Madonna.

 

9. Shea Culee is Robin & stealing from the other gals.

Shea should host GM Heeey!

 

10. Peppermint is in the spot tonight!

Pepper knows there ain’t nothing wrong with being a Mary.

 

11. Farrah Moan is still in the running to be America’s Next Top Model Drag Superstar.

But let’s hope she fares better than Rita Ora. #fired

 

12. Alexis Michelle is a Real Housewife of Melbourne?

Looks like drag is really big Down Under! #GinaLiano

 

Extra special mention:

Charlie Hides was sent home, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a 50something queen who lip syncs.

Now get all the feels with this week’s UNTUCKED below:

EPISODE 3 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 2 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

EPISODE 1 SIDE-BY-SIDES:

This week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race revealed the return of Cynthia Lee Fontaine and her infamous “cucu” as the 14th contestant. #TeamCuCu

While I’m glad CLF is doing much better following her liver cancer diagnosis, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was secretly rooting for Ru & crew to throw first season viewers a bone with the return of Nina Flowers!

Three things I loved about this episode: RuPaul back in drag (we can all exhale now, henny), Michelle Visage looking more sickening than evah (supamodel of the world!), and hearing the word “cucu” cackled across my TV 30 times in 60 minutes. For some reason I don’t tire of it …yet!

Three things I hated about this episode: Lisa Kudrow‘s three second appearance. Bring back Valerie Cherish as a judge. We all need to see that! One of the kweens (Trinity? Shea? can’t remember) telling Cynthia “it’s crazy that you could die at any moment.” Gee, thanks for that!  And lastly, the worst lip sync in drag herstory. With the B-52’s watching in dismay, both ladies were tin roof BUSTED. Regardless, I still think Jaymes was the true winner of that debacle. Kimora Blac’s attitude needs to sashay away. Plus I lived for Jaymes’ cheerleading roll. #JusticeForJaymesMansfield

 

And since I can’t stop my side-by-side addiction, here are the kweens and their episode 2 lookalikes. #HowManyWeeksUntilSnatchGame

1. Cynthia Lee Fontaine … Is Villainous?

Ok, she may really by a sweetheart, but her cucu was totally giving off Ursa from Superman II vibes.

 

2. Aja really is fashion!

The Brooklyn kween is giving Maya Rudolph, Gina Gershon & Penelope Cruz a run for their biopic money, dahling!

 

3. Speaking of Penny, Valentina may just CRUZ to the finish line.

For your consideration … V is gorgeous in any language.

 

4. Shea Culee is a proud Mary!

Don’t tell Ike, but Shea has a hit on her hands with that classic early ’70s Tina Turner wig. Rollin’!

 

5. Eurkea is a doll!

With apologies to Katya & Trump’s Kremlin Klan, but this week Eureka is the only Russian plaything we want.

 

6. Alexis Michelle has us tickled P!nk!

Fierce, but she better get this party started if she wants to last in the game.

 

7. Farrah Moan goes full Xtina on us.

Despite being a Vegas gal, Farrah still needs to show me how you Burlesque.

 

8. Nina Bo’Nina Brown Is a Babe.

Nina doesn’t need a Baywatch lifeguard, cuz she already got her flotation devices on lock. Also, Traci Bingham — ‘memba her?

 

9. Trinity Taylor is Robyn the competition

But will she wind up dancing on her own off the stage?

 

10. Peppermint is so beyond …Thunderdome.

We don’t need another hero, P.

 

11. Sasha Velour, supermodel of the world!

When you rock a lewk as good as iconic 85-year-old supermodel Carmen Dell’Orefice, then shante you stay as long as you want. Yes, ma’am!

 

12. Charlie Hides is having Nun of this!

Put your paws down, Sister. Gaga was last week!

 

13. Jaymes Mansfield wasn’t made-for-TV.

She can now join Loni Anderson in the failed Mansfield wannabes club.

 

14. Kimora Blac some way, somehow lives to see another day. Next!

 

She Done Already Done Brought It On … so watch this week’s UNTUCKED below.

 

ICYMI: ‘RPDR’ SEASON PREMIERE RUCAP & CELEB SIDE-BY-SIDES

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC goes nude with Orlando Bieber Melania, gay for Tyler Posey & crazy for those killer Suicide Squad reviews. So fire up the Zika shots, whip out your best Olympic drag & lip sync for your legacy with us, Gorge!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A REVIEW & SUBSCRIBE to  SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC

This week SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC bids a fond farewell to the LOOKING finale, bows down to Queen Michelle, crowns a new shirtless Jonas Bros. & watches the Cult of Britney‘s power slip away. So don’t boo, vote … and listen!

CLICK HERE TO LEAVE A REVIEW for  SCREAMING INTO TRAFFIC

Jake_Gyllenhaal_Becky_Good_Hair_TheJohnnyLopez

Sorry, I ain’t sorry.

Luckily, it’s just for a movie … and I still would.

#MyHusband

PrinceMadonnaMJ
Crazy that they were all born the same year & even more insane that two have left us.

In 1984, the soundtrack to this 13-year-old’s life (like so many of my generation) was “Purple Rain,” “Thriller,” and “Madonna.”

They were, are & forever will be The Trinity. Now can someone please PLEASE put Madonna in a padded glass box??!!

#ICONS #RIP #Prince #MichaelJackson #LongLiveTheQueen #Madonna #TheTrinity

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Guardians of the MAC counter is more like it.

Contour for your LIFE!

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No wonder Justin Bieber looked so familiar at the iHeartRadio Music Awards last night.