Things learned watching the 2012 Golden Globes:
1. By bringing back a fingerless glove, crucifix and her black roots, Madonna proved her face isn’t the only old thing that’s new again.
2. The one person funnier than Melissa McCarthy… is her stylist.
3. Sidney Poitier is the new Kirk Douglas.
4. Apparently, Jane Fonda found the Fountain of Youth on Golden Pond.
5. Despite everything he’s done musically and all his AIDS charity work, if Elton John doesn’t chill and loosen up his girdle, he’ll just be remembered as a bitter old queen.
6. It’s 1999 again because Harvey Weinstein really is back on top.
7. Kelly Osbourne’s hair needs to be put down.
8. Sofia Vergara’s days may be numbered, because Salma’s back!
9. Ryan Gosling not showing up is cruel and unusual punishment.
10. Zooey Deschanel has sideburns.
It was the Washout Globes. From all the blah beige gowns to all the blah non-standout moments, this year’s Golden Globes were as funny and original as an episode of “Whitney.”
You know the drill. Here’s my two cents, so feel free to send me yours!