Things I learned watching the 83rd Annual Academy Awards:
1. They didn’t need a host, they needed FEMA … because it was a disaster zone.
2. James Franco & Anne Hathaway are the new Rob Lowe & Snow White.
3. More Kirk Douglas, please.
4. The world is seriously fucked up when someone like Jennifer Hudson introduces Gwyneth Paltrow’s, er, singing.
5. The only person watching the Oscars and laughing was Ricky Gervais.
6. Melissa Leo is as classy as her character in “The Fighter.”
7. Annette Bening is now on suicide watch.
8. Everyone and their mother brought their mother as their date.
9. Some award shows could actually use Lady Gaga in an egg.
It’s actually dumb to complain about how bad the Oscars are, because that’s partly why we all watch them. That being said, they were particularly awful. Adding to that was the lack of star power (no Julia, Tom, Johnny, Cameron, Salma, George, J.Lo, Brangelina, etc.), no Bjork outfits and no upsets. The entire night was about as interesting as a CBS sitcom.
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