Things learned from watching the 2010 Grammy Awards:
1. Thanks to Gaga, Beyonce and the Black Eyed Peas, all future pop performances must include background dancers that look like characters straight out of “Star Wars.”
2. Kaley Cuoco, who? Simon Baker, what? The Grammys are a great way for CBS to introduce their stars to the 95 and under crowd.
3. If Jamie Foxx asks you to be in his musical number, RUN.
4. Unless you are an accused child molester with a penchant for extreme surgical procedures who overdoses on a myriad of drugs, your Grammy lifetime achievement award will be relegated to a one-line mention prior to introducing future music legends like Ke$ha and Justin Bieber. I’m talking to you, Leonard Cohen and Loretta Lynn.
5. Three dimensional theatrics should be left in the hands of blue 7 foot manimals, because without the 3D glasses all I witnessed was how Paula Abdul sees the world.
6. Lady GaGa on a red carpet is the new ‘80s Cher. It’s not who she’s wearing, but WTF is she wearing.
7. Prior to Colbert’s win, the last time the Best Comedy Album award was televised was … never.
8. There’s a better chance that I’m Prince and Paris Jackson’s biological father than Jacko.
9. Album of the year? OMG! ‘Memba when people bought those?!
10. The Taylor Swift backlash starts now.