Things learned from watching the 2009 Golden Globes:
1. The only thing the Globes love more than Kate Winslet is a rehabbed star’s comeback. With Mickey Rourke and Colin Farrell taking home gold, all that was missing was for Britney Spears to win an award.
2. Sting going brown is the most traumatic television hair event to happen since Felicity cut off her curly locks.
3. Renee Zellweger and Drew Barrymore must have the same dealer. How else do you explain the fact that they both thought they were going to the Oil Baron’s Ball in Dallas?
4. “Slumdog Millionaire” is this year’s “Little Miss Sunshine,” only more plausible and with less coinky dinks than “Crash.”
5. “Milk” and Sean Penn were robbed.
6. Kate Capshaw is like Katie Holmes minus all the brainswashing. Some day her husband will allow her to act in a movie again.
7. The Great Ryan Seacrest/Brangelina Chase and Snub of ’09 may be the only thing you see on TV this year funnier than “30 Rock” or “Summer Heights High.”
8. Having the Jonas Bros. present should do a bang up job of boosting the tween ticket sales of crowd-pleasing mall flicks like “The Reader” and “Frost/Nixon.”
9. J.Lo opened the show and Tom Cruise closed it, Scientology deprogramming begins now!
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