1. Sway is still fully employed … at least twice a year.
2. Nicki Minaj almost had the worst wardrobe malfunction of the night, second only to fashion fail queen Katy Perry.
3. A Groupon to DryBar does not a pop star make, MTV please stop trying to make Becky G & Fifth Harmony happen. #fetch
4. The VMAs need to always be held in New York (and air live for the West Coast!). Maroon 5 in The Forum parking lot just can’t compare to Katy Perry singing under the Brooklyn Bridge or Taylor Swift performing on a moving subway train.
5. Chelsea Handler, Gwen Stefani and Kim Kardashian should star in The Injectables 3.
6. Twerking is dead. This year it’s all about co-opting homeless models.
7. With all these unsupervised childrens running amok on the red carpet, JLO came to school them all into submission …and perhaps find a new lover.
8. TRESemme hair products, apparently, go with everything … even extremely awkward and quick Robin Williams tributes.
9. The world is going through some crazy shit right now with Ebola, Ferguson, Gaza, droughts and most horrifying … the upcoming Dumb & Dumber sequel!
10. SHE once again answered the question: Who Runs The World?
With a generation growing up watching Idol, X-Factor, The Voice, America’s Got Talent,
Rising Star, the pop stars of today may know how to lip synch but they’ve forgotten how to PERFORM … as proven by this year’s litany of dud numbers. ‘Memba Madonna rolling around in a wedding dress to Like a Virgin or her incomparable Marie Antoinette Vogue masterpiece or even Britney’s so-bad-its-good Gimme More career implosion? The millennial wannabes of today need to stop taking selfies and get back to workin’ on their show game!
Ariana Grande – Inglewood, we have a Problem … GapKids should not have an S&M collection! Thank God she can actually sing, otherwise we might have had to put her sleepy dance moves and My Little Pony hair extension out to pasture.
Nicki Minaj – Three performances in under two hours! Nobody’s worked their butt that hard since Jenna Jameson.
Snoop Dogg & Gwen Stefani – Look y’all, bonafide pop stars in the house!
Katy ‘Always Gets It Wrong’ Perry – The best thing to come from her emulating Britney & Justin’s infamous denim ensembles from the 2001 American Music Awards was that we weren’t subjected to what she would have worn had she been left to her own devices again. This Is How We Don’t.
Lorde – Darlene Conner, is that you?
Taylor Swift – Forum renovation or not, this is the first and last time you will see her in Inglewood. Shake It Off, strong enough for the radio but made for a hair commercial.
Jason Derulo & Jordin Sparks – Kim & Kanye’s stand-ins.
Becky G & MTV host Christina Garabaldi – Wouldn’t their time be better spent accepting a rose from a Bachelor or something?
Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels – Where’s Common ushering a moment of silence when you need him?
Kim Kardashian – Showing off two big boobs — sisters Kendall & Kylie!
Kendall & Kylie – The first graduates of The Taylor Swift Dance Academy For Annoying Award Show Attendees.
Sam Smith – They call him the male Adele, not just for the amazing voice but because he too suffers from Progeria! He’s only 22! Taylor Lautner is OLDER than him.
Crazy Eyes, Laverne Cox & Taylor Schilling – Orange Is The New … Destiny’s Child? Look quick and it’s Kelly Rowland, Beyonce and the white Michelle Williams.
Usher – His next single should just be called Suit & Tie.
Nina Dobrev – I woke up like this! No, really, did you see her hair?
Austin Mahone – Gwen Stefani’s future lover … or Sam Smith’s.
Chloe Grace Moretz – In another homage to 2001 fashion, she was in Elle Woods drag.
5 Seconds Of Summer – Can you say OVER-STYLED? Not even KISS wears that much man product! Since Labor Day is in a week, does that mean they’ll go away then? Makes me nostalgic for the good ole days of One Direction & The Wanted.
Iggy Azalea – Arrival dress by SammyJo Carrington. Hair & makeup by ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Accent by rapper Eve, Rosie Perez and her own affectation.
Rita Ora – She normally looks like a cross between Gwen Stefani and Rihanna, but during her Black Widow performance she was all about channeling Mini Britney.
Adam Levine – ‘Wait the hot guy on The Voice is in a band called Maroon 5?’ – said every teen girl in America.
Jennifer Lopez – Tens, tens, tens across the board! No one bought her last record (although it’s actually pretty good) but she’s still the hottest 45 around!
Miley Cyrus – I’m all for her championing a good cause, but she should leave the waterworks theatrics for the Ice Bucket challenge.
Beyonce – After a chorus of amateur opening acts, SHE reminded us there was time when the VMAs were filled with memorable, elaborate and properly executed performances. The Church of Beyonce is calling on you to prey. I hope all the pop toddlers sitting in the audience took out their BLUE books (is there an app for that?) and LEARNED because you can’t figure out how to be a true STAR on the Internets or on a televised karaoke show! Flawless.
Jay-Z – Hova must have re-signed the contracts and made his penance otherwise he’s gonna see a billion dollars go down in an elevator!
Solange – No she wasn’t sitting next to Jigga, Blue Ivy and Kelly Rowland in the audience, but that’s only because Bey was the last performer and the cleaning crew had to start immediately.
And now on to Emmy Monday …
The animatronics were on overdrive as The Expendables 3 stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, 67, Sylvester Stallone, 68, Mel Gibson, 58, Harrison Ford, 72, Wesley Snipes, 52, Antonio Banderas, 54, Dolph Lundren, 56, Kelsey Grammer, 59, and whipper snapper Terry Crews, 46, took to the red carpet at the film’s Hollywood premiere this week.
So which one is it gonna be?
Whether sucking face at a basketball game with supermodel Cara Delevingne or awkwardly making out on a yacht with Zac Efron, there’s no doubt practicing bisexual actress Michelle Rodriguez has a thing for very pretty Homo sapiens with dark bushy browns, piercing blue eyes, luscious lips and an affinity for douchey headgear.
They could be brother and sister … or each other’s drag persona!
Which only further proves MRod’s alleged ‘relationship’ with Vin Diesel back in the day was all a fast and furious ruse.
Believe it or not, but it’s been seven years since former actress Lindsay Lohan got busted for DUI and cocaine possession – three weeks after turning 21 – and had her first photo shoot with the Los Angeles County Sheriff ‘s Department.
Where does the time go?
And while she’s had at least five more since (not counting any taken in jurisdictions that do not release them to the public) many believe this is some of her best work.
Cheers, Lindsay Dee!
The 35-year-old ‘Notebook’ star kept it femme in a printed Zuhair Murad number and neutral stilettos heels.
Meanwhile everyone’s favorite ‘House of Cards’ diva put on her Bieber bangs with a silky wife beater, pinstriped pants and brown leather lace-ups, compliments of her stylist Tony Soprano.
If Michelle Rodriguez can top Zac Efron, then I guess Claire Underwood is allowed to play with androgyny.
Although many were skeptical, the rehabtress pulled through and did what Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse sadly could not and made it to her 28th birthday.
While her two albums – ‘Speak’ and ‘A Little More Personal (Raw)’ – may not put LiLo anywhere near the talents of these dearly departed rock stars, she sure knows/knew how to party like one.
So regardless of what she does to celebrate tonight, we can all at least be thankful that she won’t be getting into The 27 Club.
Feliz Cumpleaños and Godspeed, Lindsay Dee.
Here’s Swedish pop star Robin Miriam Carlsson aka Robyn, 35, giving it to the gays, hipster girls and elusive heterosexual males actually there to see Royksopp at the Hollywood Bowl on Sunday — and Jonathan Lipnicki, 6, around the time he played little Ray Boyd in the 1996 film Jerry Maguire.
Did you know a lesbian haircut weighs eight pounds?
Who are they to judge?